“The crack is where the light enters you” Rumi

It was as if Jamal’s soul was speaking to him through his profound poem before his ‘psychotic break’; preparing him with the knowledge that letting down his armour was actually enabling him to recognise the pure light he truly is at his core…

In 2017 during my last year and last term at university studying film production, I  experienced a mental health crisis. I think it was triggered by the stress of uni, the death of my estranged father at the beginning of that year, and smoking skunk more to cope with all that. There begun my road to recovery and coming to terms with this road I have found myself on. Sadly I had a psychotic episode again early last year, and I am coming back from that also. Now I am on medication and I am having therapy. I am stable and am trying to get online the psycho-social side of my recovery and life in general, which is a challenge because  I  can still feel unsafe outside the house; the much reduces voices makes me fear leaving the house when I do not really need to. But I will continue to try and create a new life that brings together all that I am and have yet to discover myself to be as I go on in my life.

The poem below, Dear Shadow of Mine, I wrote just before my first psychosis episode in the last year and term of university.

P.s. I passed my degree with a 2/1  and was able to even attend my graduation.

 

Dear Shadow of mine,

Nobody’s known of your facade

 aside from me,

not until recently at least.

The chinks in your armour

look so accustomed to.

 So much so that you’ve

forgotten who you are.

So much so that you’ve

forgotten you’re wearing armour,

 and grew accustomed to a need

 to defend your heart.

 Dear Shadow of mine,

 your light shines bright,

 brighter than you

 ever could have believed.

Just look at those around you

who yearn for your strength;

 the chinks in your armour

 have only been showing

 your true colours.

I understand you’re afraid

 of being yourself,

you put the armour on before

 you could remember.

And this love that you deserve

may seem overwhelming, but

it’s all the love in the World

that you deserve.

 You know this love all too well,

With the smile of an angel

and the eyes of God herself.

 Born and cradled by the vessel

 that could overcome,

 given nourishment by

 the mind that could overpower

and the heart that could

Over pour with love.

 My dear Shadow,

you’re so much more than

 just yourself, you are light,

you are love.

Fact of the matter is, your armour

 deserves to rest, it’s been

over-worn and over-distressed.

This light of yours deserves

 To Shine,

around the world and across

realities, multiple times.

 Embrace the love

 you’ve been blessed with,

and protect it with all your heart.

 Dear Shadow of mine,

can you finally see,

that you have been Light,

from the start.

Jamal Dijon James May 2017

We are now collecting stories for our 5th KindaProud pocket book;

#Emerging Proud through Psychosis and Schizophrenia

Do you have a story to share? Please CONTACT US HERE

I was recently guided to read this brilliant open letter to the spiritual community about psychiatry, from the fabulous holistic Psychiatrist Kelly Brogan   

and she speaks so clearly to the intention of our January event happening 2 weeks today.

Kelly says; I used to think spirituality was for the softies on the sidelines of the action.

So did I, until I really delved into the murky depths of healing that spiritual practice has to offer. I’ve recognised patterns, both within myself and between us, that the current medical model dominant in psychiatry can prevent us from healing.

As Kelly states; When we say no to our felt experience, to our bodies, we are maintaining the tension of the war.

On the 17th Jan we will consider the question;

“How does the Power Threat Meaning Framework (PTMF) relate to those who perceive their experience in transcendent/ transformative, spiritual or spiritual emergency terms, and how could it be used to support this?”

We will create space to think about how the psychiatric system poses a threat to the Spiritual Emergence process, and how the PTMF could be used support this.

Imagine if we could create a new mental health system that sees all Psychiatrists saying Kelly’s powerful words;

Falling apart; it doesn’t scare me. That’s because I know that, if I can provide a solid container for it to all fall apart, then the alchemy of the wound takes place.

It may be our job, as a community to begin, one by one, to say yes to ourselves, fully, in all ways. Yes to a high level of self-care, to devotion, to the messages our body is attempting to send, to our felt wrongness, to our wild energies, to our very souls slamming the walls of the small boxes we have stuffed them into. But we have to do this together. We have to lock eyes and say – if you do it, I’ll do it.

At our event On 17th Jan in London the intention is to lock eyes and be prepared to do it, together.

I’m going to be there, are you?

A new decade is upon us.

It’s more important now than ever before that we remember why we came here at this time; an emerging era for humanity.

With the world in crisis, our only hope of survival as a human species is to awaken spiritually – and we all hold a piece of the puzzle in creating a better future…

We have a choice; to drown in the political, societal and environmental crises now surrounding us, or to recognise these challenges as a ‘Call to Action’ – and use them as our impetus to transform ourselves and our world.

We are blessed to walk on this Earth, and we hold the wisdom of our ancestors deep within – often the emergence of this wisdom is messy; transformation takes bravery.

May we all remember that we are sacred…

In 2020, may we walk in beauty and remember our song ❤

So it happened – Britain is now amidst its own spiritual crisis…

Things really do have to fall apart to be re-created in a more adaptive order… so we find ourselves amidst this process now…

What can we do about it?

Those of you that resonate with this will have something to offer to the collective on this special visioning day– please come and flutter your wings for change with us ❤

We’re in the process of collecting stories for our 5th KindaProud Pocket Book;

#Emerging Proud through Psychosis and Schizophrenia

Did you refuse to own your label of ‘crazy’ or ‘broken’ only to use it as the catalyst for your own healing journey? If so, we’d love to hear from you!

These books are aimed at changing the narrative around so called ‘illnesses’ to show that being labelled doesn’t have to mean the end… it can be the beginning of stepping more powerfully into who you truly are.

All profits from the sale of books will go to distribute FREE books around mental health facilities in order to inject these positive messages where they may be most needed…

If you have a story of transformation that you’d like to share in our next Pocket Book of Hope, please CONTACT US HERE 

“GAS LIT BY A MADMAN; The Certifiably TRUE Ravings Of A Sectioned Philosopher”

is a droller take on the subjects of mental health, political issues and Nietzschean, Christian, Jungian, existentialist and post-modern philosophy. Don’t be afraid to question your world view, don’t be afraid to think you might be a bit ‘mad’. Who isn’t?

It is based on the author, Max J. Lewy’s, own experience as an oh-so-patient patient in the N.H.S. Mental Health System. Veritably knocked off his horse by two out-of-control, gaslighting shrinks at the tender age of 23, his writings trace his recovery from this life-changing, iatrogenic incident over the next 12 or so years, exploring the ‘mad’ identity that was placed upon him and the truly insane, or certainly very flawed and eye-brow raising System which so unfortunately often does such things to quite healthy and relatively rational people.

This companion volume, released on his 36th (that’s 6 x 6) birthday as a little gift (for “The Beast”, presumably… but who knows, maybe Lucifer, maybe Jesus, maybe the old bearded madman at the end of the street with an “The Apocalypse Is Nigh” cardboard sign hung to the back of his bike.), contains 36 beautifully illuminated poems, in the manner of William Blake, only with modern-day collaged images from around the world wide web.”

CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR COPY

Mari from Scotland had to travel to her Soul home in India to find validation and peace within for her experiences which have been dismissed and labelled as ‘Schizophrenia’ by the Western mental health system. She now longs for a time when love will save the day and she’s able to complete her healing journey and bring her gifts forth to help others on the same path…

Here Mari explains the reasons behind what she sees as her blessed spiritual awakening;

It was March 17^th, St Patricks day 2001 at the time of the foot and mouth virus my desperate attempt to take my own life was captured in my life history for ever. It was then that I was first diagnosed. I had survived the fire that I had attempted to kill myself with and for the next 18 years I have been fighting to survive against the fire of the psychiatric system and oh how it can hurt.

Before I came around from the unconscious effects of an overdose and the smoke damage, I was labelled schizophrenic, my worst nightmare. Nobody had talked to me to ask me how I felt or what was going on in my life before I made that tragic decision to end it all. If they had they would have found out how desperate, alone, isolated, lost, confused I felt.  My broken heart drove me to find the will to strike a match, gather a few pieces of kindling, take it to my bedroom and build a fire in my bed and wait for my transition to another place away from the painful suffering I was going through.

My early childhood is a history of growing up in a dysfunctional family unit with isolation, neglect and sadness as the overpowering emotion. It was a traumatic time and none of my family emerged from that period without consequences of the roles we got cast in to. I was black sheep and outcasted from the unit. When I look back at childhood, I have almost non-existent memories of happiness (apart from my horse), I only knew isolation a pain from those that were supposed to be my caretakers and support system, what a lie………..

The lie continued into adulthood and black sheep role was never lost.  After the fire I was now diagnosed and it was another brick in the lie of mental illness that I had grown up in, except now it was me that was labelled mentally ill and oh how that fitted the family dynamic. How that diagnosis has brought even more suffering. The family had a reason to say that there was something wrong with me and how they treated me was hidden in a veil of darkness, deceit, the lie. They were just ignorant, and our family was the victim of a time and place where scarcity and competition were rife and there wasn’t enough love to go around.

The kind of suffering I grew up in does something to a soul and maybe it does affect brain chemistry who knows? Trauma plays a huge role in mental illness and the link between spirituality and suffering is a link that fascinates me. I know I am not ill, and I am not mentally sick I just grew up in a traumatic family dynamic and I suffered. That suffering at the time of the fire was the result of being outcast from my family at a time when we were supposed to support each other and it broke my heart that I was the only one sitting in a cold, damp cottage on my own.

My energy field has changed because of my suffering and I believe it changes how it is attached in this matrix or cosmic field of infinity to source in a way that is different from the average. “Blessed are those that suffer” said lord Jesus and I believe my suffering has projected me deeper into this divine matrix that we are all part off.  My road map within this cosmic field can sometimes go astray and at times it does get a little crazy where my environment turns upside down. Unfortunately at this time my family always get involved, they are connected to source in a crazy way just like me and I see how they change as my spiritual energy changes and they do not like it and it normally results in me getting the short straw of being taken away and locked up in the psychiatric hospital. This has been one of my highest sufferings, one of my memories of most extreme pain and darkness. To be locked away and pinned to the ground and injected is still a nightmare I re-live in my head and fear the next time they come to drag me off. Is this what our helping profession should be? At a time when one is going through such a sensitive process to be treated the way we are is a disgrace to our British medical system. They do not have the answers on Psychosis and what one is going through and until they understand the concept of spiritual emergency/ spiritual awakening/ spiritual crisis, fear of their system will always be at the back of my mind.

So, I was diagnosed as a schizophrenic originally, my label, oh that damaging label…….. then became schizo-affective and now the abusers think they might have me in the bi-polar category.  What a load of Bull sh**. Thanks be to God I found the strength not to believe their speculative, shallow opinion. They don’t have a clue of what they are dealing with a how deep the psychological/spiritual experience of awakening is. There is always a load of spiritual or religious rant around my “psychosis” or what I see as my spiritual crisis /my spiritual emergency and I believe psychosis should be re-phrased as the first phase of this spiritual crisis and should be handled so much differently than how it is presently. I believe there should be no injections and for the souls like myself that have no supportive family or friends that are available unconditionally then the psychiatric system could step in but the grace of god I pray one day they will just provide a space where time can happen naturally and the transition through the erratic energy field can be allowed to happen as it should and as a result healing can take place. it is an individual transition and attachment to source that is unique for each person and should be respected and treated as individual experience, a unique journey ……

Although I am still held hostage by the system and cannot move away because my children love their school and friends, I believe I will get out of this system and be allowed to know my own truth, that of my crazy energy field ……… that of my dharma. I believe the dots will join up and sense will come of my torturous past of psychiatric and family bullying. I have faith in a family that I have never seen but often felt, probably created as a survival, coping strategy and they are in the invisible field. It starts with lord Shiva and divine mother Shakti, Kali ma, at the head and it is full of gentlemen like sri Ram and lord Krishna. The sisters of Durga, Saraswathi and Lakmi all play nice and oh what a beautiful environment to live in.  The divine son, my Guru is lord Jesus and I believe with time, love will emerge out of this darkness and my invisible family will aid in the collective consciousness of this evolving climate of this cosmic field. I maybe should not mention my invisible family or religious characters as that’s got me into a lot of trouble with the system before!! have a harness belief and faith in the quantum balls of love energy that exist like stars in this divine matrix of energy and consciousness, in eastern terms Shiva and Shakti, yin and yang………. I believe my physical family can heal from the ignorance of our past and sick, toxic roles we were subjected to, and love can reframe the way forward. It might happen in this lifetime that I am free from this abuse from the psychiatric system and the lie of deceit that is my history, or I might have to wait for another lifetime, it is out of my control. I believe in the evolutionary change and I believe one day the collective consciousness will wake up to spiritual side of mental illness and view psychosis and schizophrenia as spiritual awakening, a spiritual crisis that is the first step to huge a transformation process that can lead to so much growth for the individual if the system would just accept we are not of the broken brain or chemically imbalanced but evolving and as the buddha said ” suffering is an integral part of life” and when we are allowed to emerge out we grow, and look where the buddha grew to.

I found peace and a contented life in India, which has become the land of my heart and culture, the religion, the lifestyle healed so much pain that was stored from my trauma, anxiety fuelled past. The day will surely come when that peace I have known is allowed to exist in my own land, so I finish with my prayer to the divine in all. Bring on the evolutionary wake up where those that have been labelled ill are viewed no longer as throw away, broken, useless to society but seen through their spiritual component and have meaning inside there madness and therefore have a place.  There normally is a reason even if it is just a change in the cosmic field, like an earthquake in our physical world.  Although that reason whether we look to the past or the present we can never physically know or identify the spiritual component to the madness or upheaval, understanding the individual gives light on the symptoms of mental illness. I believe in the light and I believe in love and I have faith in my invisible family …………… I will emerge proud and always know I am not sick or ill but on a spiritual journey through suffering, a path of darkness and light, a path of dharma……………. a path of truth and true meaning. Love will heal all if we can only get our real doctors to come forward and remind the present model of healing that love can never be put in an injection or a pill…………………….. I still believe.

In order to express her silenced voice, Mari channels her wisdom into poetry, and here is her hugely powerful message; ‘My Divine’ ❤

Do you have a story of #EmergingProud through Psychosis or Schizophrenia? Have you been labelled but believe it to be part of a deeply meaningful transformation journey?

We’re now collecting stories for our 5th KindaProud Pocket Book of Hope;

#Emerging Proud through Psychosis and Schizophrenia

Please contact us here if you’d like to submit your story.

What to expect on the day

This event has been planned specifically to be owned and directed by all who attend without hierarchy or ‘experts’, but a space for those passionate to see changes in mental health services to get together to envision what that change looks like…

Our day will focus on the Power Threat Meaning Framework  (PTMF) in relation to this question;

“How does the Power Threat Meaning Framework relate to those who perceive their experience in transcendent/ transformative, spiritual or spiritual emergency terms, and how could it be used to support this?”

About the PTMF

The PTMF is a co-produced document which describes an alternative to the diagnostic model of distress and unusual experiences. A brief summary of the Framework will be given by Lucy at the start of the day, but you may find it useful to familiarise yourself with its principles beforehand. PTM Summary 2019

If you have time, you might want to view this talk on the PTM Framework:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkNWQdVB4F0

A more academic summary can be read here: Johnstone and Boyle 2018 PTM Framework JHP.

The main PTMF documents, FAQs, and other resources are available on this website:

https://www.bps.org.uk/news-and-policy/introducing-power-threat-meaning-framework

Some things you might like to ponder before attending; 

What is our wider container for these experiences?

Is Bio/Psycho/Social/Spiritual quadrant of experience enough, or do we need to include anything else in the framework?

What do you consider might be a more inclusive language for ‘spiritual’ so we can hold the biggest framework as possible for all?

We are all aiming for the same destination (a new post-patriarchal paradigm) via different doorways – let’s focus on the destination rather than our doorway on the day; where are our bridges?

Which doorway are you coming through? Psychedelic? Mental Health? Environmental? Political?

What piece of the puzzle would you like to bring to the discussions?

 What about Open Space – how does it work? 

Here’s a brief video of the method:  https://youtu.be/M_jhcvCYBbg

There are 2 options for how you can get involved on the day;

The Convenor –Raise and hold space for a particular discussion topic that you feel most passionate about in relation to the theme of the day. You don’t need to pre-plan this, you might feel inspired during the morning of the event.

Convenor responsibilities; 

 It’s important to know that if you decide to be a Convenor on the day, you will need to be responsible for staying with that topic whilst people want to engage in discussing it, and for writing up a brief harvest report to present at the end of the day.

Pollinators – be a Butterfly and feel free to move around from discussion to discussion as you wish; be drawn to whatever you feel passionate about on the day; spread your ideas and wisdom wide across the conversation spaces!

The Four Rules of Open Space:
1. Whoever come are the right people
2. Whatever happens is the only thing that could have

3. Whenever it starts is the right time
   4. When it’s over, it’s over

The Law of Two Feet states that:
“If, during the course of the gathering, you finds yourself in a situation where you are neither learning nor contributing, you can go to some more productive place.”

Our schedule: 

(The space will be cleared and protected by energetic space holders prior to the day)

9.30am Arrivals and registration

10am: Introduction to the day

10.15am – Overview of the PTMF

10.45am – Guided meditation and preparation for the main sessions

11am – Market Place part 1

11.30am – Coffee Break

11.50am Market Place part 2

12.20pm – Afternoon schedule planning from agenda wall for all delegates

12.30pm – Lunch break

1.30pm – Open Space session 1

2.30pm – Open Space session 2

3.30pm – Break and convenors to create quick synopsis from their harvest form

3.50pm – Reconvene circle for harvest feedback

4.50pm – Close and what happens next

We will have a discreet Altar at the event in honour of those who have been harmed by the mental health system – please feel free to bring names of those you wish to honour on a small piece of paper to place on the altar if you wish.

We very much hope you can join us to connect, share and vision in January.

With gratitude and in solidarity for much- needed change,

Katie

Tempted to join in and have a say in what emerges?

CLICK HERE TO BOOK YOUR PLACE 

It’s hard to believe that only a year ago #Emerging Proud Press was only an embryo of a vision… it’s amazing what can be achieved with collaborative heart-centred efforts; the results speak for the power of the collective….

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE REPORT IN PDF

We are still seeking funding to continue the publication of more books in the series, to support us to continue to spread vital messages of hope; DONATE HERE