“GAS LIT BY A MADMAN; The Certifiably TRUE Ravings Of A Sectioned Philosopher”

is a droller take on the subjects of mental health, political issues and Nietzschean, Christian, Jungian, existentialist and post-modern philosophy. Don’t be afraid to question your world view, don’t be afraid to think you might be a bit ‘mad’. Who isn’t?

It is based on the author, Max J. Lewy’s, own experience as an oh-so-patient patient in the N.H.S. Mental Health System. Veritably knocked off his horse by two out-of-control, gaslighting shrinks at the tender age of 23, his writings trace his recovery from this life-changing, iatrogenic incident over the next 12 or so years, exploring the ‘mad’ identity that was placed upon him and the truly insane, or certainly very flawed and eye-brow raising System which so unfortunately often does such things to quite healthy and relatively rational people.

This companion volume, released on his 36th (that’s 6 x 6) birthday as a little gift (for “The Beast”, presumably… but who knows, maybe Lucifer, maybe Jesus, maybe the old bearded madman at the end of the street with an “The Apocalypse Is Nigh” cardboard sign hung to the back of his bike.), contains 36 beautifully illuminated poems, in the manner of William Blake, only with modern-day collaged images from around the world wide web.”

CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR COPY

Mari from Scotland had to travel to her Soul home in India to find validation and peace within for her experiences which have been dismissed and labelled as ‘Schizophrenia’ by the Western mental health system. She now longs for a time when love will save the day and she’s able to complete her healing journey and bring her gifts forth to help others on the same path…

Here Mari explains the reasons behind what she sees as her blessed spiritual awakening;

It was March 17^th, St Patricks day 2001 at the time of the foot and mouth virus my desperate attempt to take my own life was captured in my life history for ever. It was then that I was first diagnosed. I had survived the fire that I had attempted to kill myself with and for the next 18 years I have been fighting to survive against the fire of the psychiatric system and oh how it can hurt.

Before I came around from the unconscious effects of an overdose and the smoke damage, I was labelled schizophrenic, my worst nightmare. Nobody had talked to me to ask me how I felt or what was going on in my life before I made that tragic decision to end it all. If they had they would have found out how desperate, alone, isolated, lost, confused I felt.  My broken heart drove me to find the will to strike a match, gather a few pieces of kindling, take it to my bedroom and build a fire in my bed and wait for my transition to another place away from the painful suffering I was going through.

My early childhood is a history of growing up in a dysfunctional family unit with isolation, neglect and sadness as the overpowering emotion. It was a traumatic time and none of my family emerged from that period without consequences of the roles we got cast in to. I was black sheep and outcasted from the unit. When I look back at childhood, I have almost non-existent memories of happiness (apart from my horse), I only knew isolation a pain from those that were supposed to be my caretakers and support system, what a lie………..

The lie continued into adulthood and black sheep role was never lost.  After the fire I was now diagnosed and it was another brick in the lie of mental illness that I had grown up in, except now it was me that was labelled mentally ill and oh how that fitted the family dynamic. How that diagnosis has brought even more suffering. The family had a reason to say that there was something wrong with me and how they treated me was hidden in a veil of darkness, deceit, the lie. They were just ignorant, and our family was the victim of a time and place where scarcity and competition were rife and there wasn’t enough love to go around.

The kind of suffering I grew up in does something to a soul and maybe it does affect brain chemistry who knows? Trauma plays a huge role in mental illness and the link between spirituality and suffering is a link that fascinates me. I know I am not ill, and I am not mentally sick I just grew up in a traumatic family dynamic and I suffered. That suffering at the time of the fire was the result of being outcast from my family at a time when we were supposed to support each other and it broke my heart that I was the only one sitting in a cold, damp cottage on my own.

My energy field has changed because of my suffering and I believe it changes how it is attached in this matrix or cosmic field of infinity to source in a way that is different from the average. “Blessed are those that suffer” said lord Jesus and I believe my suffering has projected me deeper into this divine matrix that we are all part off.  My road map within this cosmic field can sometimes go astray and at times it does get a little crazy where my environment turns upside down. Unfortunately at this time my family always get involved, they are connected to source in a crazy way just like me and I see how they change as my spiritual energy changes and they do not like it and it normally results in me getting the short straw of being taken away and locked up in the psychiatric hospital. This has been one of my highest sufferings, one of my memories of most extreme pain and darkness. To be locked away and pinned to the ground and injected is still a nightmare I re-live in my head and fear the next time they come to drag me off. Is this what our helping profession should be? At a time when one is going through such a sensitive process to be treated the way we are is a disgrace to our British medical system. They do not have the answers on Psychosis and what one is going through and until they understand the concept of spiritual emergency/ spiritual awakening/ spiritual crisis, fear of their system will always be at the back of my mind.

So, I was diagnosed as a schizophrenic originally, my label, oh that damaging label…….. then became schizo-affective and now the abusers think they might have me in the bi-polar category.  What a load of Bull sh**. Thanks be to God I found the strength not to believe their speculative, shallow opinion. They don’t have a clue of what they are dealing with a how deep the psychological/spiritual experience of awakening is. There is always a load of spiritual or religious rant around my “psychosis” or what I see as my spiritual crisis /my spiritual emergency and I believe psychosis should be re-phrased as the first phase of this spiritual crisis and should be handled so much differently than how it is presently. I believe there should be no injections and for the souls like myself that have no supportive family or friends that are available unconditionally then the psychiatric system could step in but the grace of god I pray one day they will just provide a space where time can happen naturally and the transition through the erratic energy field can be allowed to happen as it should and as a result healing can take place. it is an individual transition and attachment to source that is unique for each person and should be respected and treated as individual experience, a unique journey ……

Although I am still held hostage by the system and cannot move away because my children love their school and friends, I believe I will get out of this system and be allowed to know my own truth, that of my crazy energy field ……… that of my dharma. I believe the dots will join up and sense will come of my torturous past of psychiatric and family bullying. I have faith in a family that I have never seen but often felt, probably created as a survival, coping strategy and they are in the invisible field. It starts with lord Shiva and divine mother Shakti, Kali ma, at the head and it is full of gentlemen like sri Ram and lord Krishna. The sisters of Durga, Saraswathi and Lakmi all play nice and oh what a beautiful environment to live in.  The divine son, my Guru is lord Jesus and I believe with time, love will emerge out of this darkness and my invisible family will aid in the collective consciousness of this evolving climate of this cosmic field. I maybe should not mention my invisible family or religious characters as that’s got me into a lot of trouble with the system before!! have a harness belief and faith in the quantum balls of love energy that exist like stars in this divine matrix of energy and consciousness, in eastern terms Shiva and Shakti, yin and yang………. I believe my physical family can heal from the ignorance of our past and sick, toxic roles we were subjected to, and love can reframe the way forward. It might happen in this lifetime that I am free from this abuse from the psychiatric system and the lie of deceit that is my history, or I might have to wait for another lifetime, it is out of my control. I believe in the evolutionary change and I believe one day the collective consciousness will wake up to spiritual side of mental illness and view psychosis and schizophrenia as spiritual awakening, a spiritual crisis that is the first step to huge a transformation process that can lead to so much growth for the individual if the system would just accept we are not of the broken brain or chemically imbalanced but evolving and as the buddha said ” suffering is an integral part of life” and when we are allowed to emerge out we grow, and look where the buddha grew to.

I found peace and a contented life in India, which has become the land of my heart and culture, the religion, the lifestyle healed so much pain that was stored from my trauma, anxiety fuelled past. The day will surely come when that peace I have known is allowed to exist in my own land, so I finish with my prayer to the divine in all. Bring on the evolutionary wake up where those that have been labelled ill are viewed no longer as throw away, broken, useless to society but seen through their spiritual component and have meaning inside there madness and therefore have a place.  There normally is a reason even if it is just a change in the cosmic field, like an earthquake in our physical world.  Although that reason whether we look to the past or the present we can never physically know or identify the spiritual component to the madness or upheaval, understanding the individual gives light on the symptoms of mental illness. I believe in the light and I believe in love and I have faith in my invisible family …………… I will emerge proud and always know I am not sick or ill but on a spiritual journey through suffering, a path of darkness and light, a path of dharma……………. a path of truth and true meaning. Love will heal all if we can only get our real doctors to come forward and remind the present model of healing that love can never be put in an injection or a pill…………………….. I still believe.

In order to express her silenced voice, Mari channels her wisdom into poetry, and here is her hugely powerful message; ‘My Divine’ ❤

Do you have a story of #EmergingProud through Psychosis or Schizophrenia? Have you been labelled but believe it to be part of a deeply meaningful transformation journey?

We’re now collecting stories for our 5th KindaProud Pocket Book of Hope;

#Emerging Proud through Psychosis and Schizophrenia

Please contact us here if you’d like to submit your story.

What to expect on the day

This event has been planned specifically to be owned and directed by all who attend without hierarchy or ‘experts’, but a space for those passionate to see changes in mental health services to get together to envision what that change looks like…

Our day will focus on the Power Threat Meaning Framework  (PTMF) in relation to this question;

“How does the Power Threat Meaning Framework relate to those who perceive their experience in transcendent/ transformative, spiritual or spiritual emergency terms, and how could it be used to support this?”

About the PTMF

The PTMF is a co-produced document which describes an alternative to the diagnostic model of distress and unusual experiences. A brief summary of the Framework will be given by Lucy at the start of the day, but you may find it useful to familiarise yourself with its principles beforehand. PTM Summary 2019

If you have time, you might want to view this talk on the PTM Framework:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkNWQdVB4F0

A more academic summary can be read here: Johnstone and Boyle 2018 PTM Framework JHP.

The main PTMF documents, FAQs, and other resources are available on this website:

https://www.bps.org.uk/news-and-policy/introducing-power-threat-meaning-framework

Some things you might like to ponder before attending; 

What is our wider container for these experiences?

Is Bio/Psycho/Social/Spiritual quadrant of experience enough, or do we need to include anything else in the framework?

What do you consider might be a more inclusive language for ‘spiritual’ so we can hold the biggest framework as possible for all?

We are all aiming for the same destination (a new post-patriarchal paradigm) via different doorways – let’s focus on the destination rather than our doorway on the day; where are our bridges?

Which doorway are you coming through? Psychedelic? Mental Health? Environmental? Political?

What piece of the puzzle would you like to bring to the discussions?

 What about Open Space – how does it work? 

Here’s a brief video of the method:  https://youtu.be/M_jhcvCYBbg

There are 2 options for how you can get involved on the day;

The Convenor –Raise and hold space for a particular discussion topic that you feel most passionate about in relation to the theme of the day. You don’t need to pre-plan this, you might feel inspired during the morning of the event.

Convenor responsibilities; 

 It’s important to know that if you decide to be a Convenor on the day, you will need to be responsible for staying with that topic whilst people want to engage in discussing it, and for writing up a brief harvest report to present at the end of the day.

Pollinators – be a Butterfly and feel free to move around from discussion to discussion as you wish; be drawn to whatever you feel passionate about on the day; spread your ideas and wisdom wide across the conversation spaces!

The Four Rules of Open Space:
1. Whoever come are the right people
2. Whatever happens is the only thing that could have

3. Whenever it starts is the right time
   4. When it’s over, it’s over

The Law of Two Feet states that:
“If, during the course of the gathering, you finds yourself in a situation where you are neither learning nor contributing, you can go to some more productive place.”

Our schedule: 

(The space will be cleared and protected by energetic space holders prior to the day)

9.30am Arrivals and registration

10am: Introduction to the day

10.15am – Overview of the PTMF

10.45am – Guided meditation and preparation for the main sessions

11am – Market Place part 1

11.30am – Coffee Break

11.50am Market Place part 2

12.20pm – Afternoon schedule planning from agenda wall for all delegates

12.30pm – Lunch break

1.30pm – Open Space session 1

2.30pm – Open Space session 2

3.30pm – Break and convenors to create quick synopsis from their harvest form

3.50pm – Reconvene circle for harvest feedback

4.50pm – Close and what happens next

We will have a discreet Altar at the event in honour of those who have been harmed by the mental health system – please feel free to bring names of those you wish to honour on a small piece of paper to place on the altar if you wish.

We very much hope you can join us to connect, share and vision in January.

With gratitude and in solidarity for much- needed change,

Katie

Tempted to join in and have a say in what emerges?

CLICK HERE TO BOOK YOUR PLACE 

It’s hard to believe that only a year ago #Emerging Proud Press was only an embryo of a vision… it’s amazing what can be achieved with collaborative heart-centred efforts; the results speak for the power of the collective….

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE REPORT IN PDF

We are still seeking funding to continue the publication of more books in the series, to support us to continue to spread vital messages of hope; DONATE HERE 

John PINK from the Illawarra Region of NSW, Australia (coastal – south of Sydney) believes that ‘Hearing Voices’ is the beginning of opening to ‘Clairaudience’, and he’s not alone in thinking this. It’s not been something which has yet been acknowledged by Western Psychiatry, but there seem to be openings to considering what is often seen as this other cultural perspective…

After his ‘breakdown’, John met a Jungian Analyst and he considers the point at which she suggested that he Journal his Dreams was the initiation of his recovery.

Sometimes we need to overlook the ‘logical’, and trust in the perspective that is most helpful to the Experiencer…

MY ACCOUNT OF MY EXPERIENCE

My Nervous Breakdown, almost 40 years ago now, is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life!  It easily surpasses my winning 3 National Sailing Seniors (open -age) Titles before I was 21.  Quite unashamedly I was a Sporting Freak.

To progress on to encounter a Serious and Chronic MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEM (S&CMHP) someone must be very accomplished in the Physical Dimension because this is what happens in order for someone to attain access to the more Advanced Dimensions – starting with the Astral Dimension.  The Astral Dimension is easiest explained by mentioning that this is the Dimension people have “Wet Dreams” in.  Of course Astral Sex is just one of the things someone can do in this Dimension and Remote Viewing is another possibility.

Many Environmental Situations are possible to manufacture the stress necessary to produce a S&CMHP and us humans are really adept at Solving Problems – in fact we’ve been Solving Problems all our lives!  In Solving the Problem(s) we progress Mentally with each Problem we overcome!

This Nervous Breakdown had me stumped for quite a while – in fact I’d almost given up and all I wanted to do was to live out the remainder of my life on a desert isle – in fact I’d picked the Maldives in the Indian Ocean.

My Situation, with two quite young children, wouldn’t allow this and I had to keep working as an Underground Miner.  I’d thrown away my Degree in Metallurgy to get this job as an Underground Miner and it was the smartest thing I’d ever done.  A really easy job at the mine was provided for me and I worked by myself doing minimal work and basically all I needed to do was catch the underground transport to my work place and present myself at the end of the shift for transport out of the mine.

I remember having one Panic Attack at work and I pondered where did this stress come from?  As nothing in my Physical Environment had changed and I was not scared of working by myself I reasoned that this stress to cause this Panic Attack came from “Astral” – but it was more like “Somewhere Else” – not “The Astral Dimension”.

I have read on the internet that the Astral Dimension is “the Dimension of Communication” – and this is even more powerful that the Dimension next up (the Lower Manic Dimension – where someone adds Psychic Sight to the already-developed Psychic Sound-Hearing – ClairAudience).  Only once on the internet have I seen it mentioned that when opening the Throat Chakra, the Chakra controlling access to “The Astral Dimension”, results in Panic Attacks.

I was extremely lucky when I had my Nervous Breakdown.  The person who became my long-term Therapist was a Jungian psychologist and she suggested that I Journal my Dreams and my Recovery started from there.  It was a long, hard process putting my life back together but by enduring this experience my resolve is much more powerful than it ever was.

“There is deep wisdom within our very flesh, if we can only come to our senses and feel it”.

John now researches perspectives apposed to mainstream psychiatry in order to better understand complex human issues;

CLICK HERE TO READ JOHN’S 14_’Black_Holes’ OF PSYCHIATRY DOCUMENT

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT JOHN AND HIS FINDINGS

Remember Mandy, our latest Pocket Book Rep? She’s shared some of her inspiring poetry across the book series, but that’s not the half of it! Mandy and her partner Ash have been busy writing away their pain for quite a while, and are now ready to launch their creative flair upon the world… Check out their new Instagram site, and watch this space for news on their Pocket Book memoir – it’s not to be missed!

rpt

Hi all

It’s great to be involved in the KindaProud project and to share our personal stories for the Emerging Proud through Trauma and Abuse Pocketbook, which was published recently. If you haven’t ordered your copy yet, then you can do so here.

Following publication of the book, we finally got around to doing something with some of our writing and have set up an Instagram account. It’d be great if you all could take a look and we’d love for you to click ‘Follow’ so you can join us on our writing journey 😊

https://www.instagram.com/ambrielandjeeva/

We’ll be posting various poetry, quotes, etc. on the subjects of mental health, the environment and our broken society, as well as some other topics that will hopefully make you smile a bit.

We both found writing when we hit our lowest time emotionally. It really helped with our healing process and we then decided it was something that we wanted to pursue. We’ve written a stack of poems and short stories so far, are working on a Pocketbook memoir (expanding on the personal stories we shared in the KindaProud book) and we’ve started writing a novel together. We very much want writing to be part of our future…

With good love to you all x

Mandy and Ash (alias Ambriel and Jeeva 😄)

We are absolutely delighted to be able to introduce our Rep for our 5th Pocket Book of Hope in the KindaProud series; #Emerging Proud through Psychosis and Schizophrenia. 

We are more than KindaProud of the lovely and very talented Mica, who has prevailed through her diagnosis of psychosis to become both a published Poet and Psychologist, and so is supporting this much-needed shift of perspective from ‘illness’ to ‘transformation’ on many levels.

You’ll hear more of Mica’s story as we progress this book, but hear is a little intro and a sneaky peek of her amazing poetry…

My name is Mica Montana Gray. I’m 26 years old, from Birmingham, UK. I currently work as an Assistant Psychologist and have written a poetry collection titled ‘When Daisies Talk’ which explores my journey of healing through my experience of psychosis. I am passionate about changing the way that we understand the experiences of psychosis and schizophrenia in both clinical and community spaces, and I am grateful to have been asked to share my story as part of this movement.

It was at the launch of the emerging proud film event that I met some of the people who have been integral to who I’ve become and so it is an honour to help serve the community through sharing my story. My heart hurts for those who had to go through these experiences without such a community but I am encouraged by these stories that will help those who go through these transformative experiences in the future to find healing and hope.

I had my first experience of psychosis while studying my Undergraduate Psychology degree. My experience was an encounter with the brokenness of my own soul, past trauma’s and buried emotions – but it was also an encounter with ancient wisdom, oneness with the world, creativity, love and the spirit of God. My experience catapulted me into purpose, into relationship with God through Christianity and into discovering my true identity; my reason for being in this world. I am looking forward to sharing the insights from my journey with you as well as learning from all of yours.

 

Self-discovery

When I tell you

that aliens have implanted

chips in my head

or that the CIA is leaving microphones

under my bed

that I

think I am Jesus.

don’t get caught up on the metaphors.

don’t try to take my poetry

and fit it into your theory of psychology

in attempt

to calculate how far away i am

from the normal way that a human being

ought to relate to itself

don’t lock me into your narrow definitions of good mental health.

no, I don’t actually think that I am Jesus of Nazareth

who walked the desert for 40 days

and brought salvation through death.

what I am trying to communicate

is that I now recognize myself,

as important.

as having a cross to bear.

as a being made of love.

as a being, with a great purpose.

as a being, with a strong spirit.

so don’t get upset

when i refuse to let you convince me

that it is irrational to feel like a God

when i have finally encountered

a sense of divinity

within me.

when i have promised myself

to no longer let

the demons, the CIA, the aliens,

my negative thoughts

win in their attempt to

put out my fire.

so, when I tell you

that I am fighting the aliens in my head,

that I’m getting rid of the microphones

that the CIA have put under my bed

that I

feel like Jesus.

don’t get caught on the metaphors.

simply reply,

it’s about time.

CLICK HERE FOR MICA’S INCREDIBLE POETRY ANTHOLOGY; WHEN DAISIES TALK

Mica – it’s your time ❤