Today is ‘Blue Monday’, which has been characterized as the most depressing day of the year in the Northern hemisphere due to the number of dark and wet days… we aim to re- frame this time as an opportunity for new beginnings. It was through ‘going within’ our own dark times that Sean and I were able to find our own light; our life purpose and what we now offer in the world…

I am ‘beyond thrilled!’ to introduce you to our Kinda Proud Ambassador Sean; together we will be offering YOU the opportunity to write your own autobiographies through #Emerging Proud Press. Here’s Sean to explain…

PRESS RELEASE

21.1.19

From Break-Down to Break-Through

New publishing partnership forms to create a ‘KindaProud Pocket Books of Transformation’ series, aiming to bring a new perspective to mental health, acceptance and recovery.

An exciting new publishing partnership between a human rights activist and an independent publisher will see the launch of a new ‘KindaProud Pocket Books of Hope’ series this year, designed to illustrate how ‘re-thinking mental distress can act as a potential catalyst for positive change.’

Blue Monday (January 21st) is widely cited as the most depressing day of the year, yet Katie Mottram and Sean Patrick are keen for people to see such days as an opportunity to re-frame their negative thinking and turn it into an opportunity for transformation. “Depression is an indicator that something in our life needs to change. It gives us the opportunity to ‘emerge’ as our true selves, someone we are proud to be,” explains Katie.

Katie, an author and human rights activist, and Sean, owner of publishing company That Guy’s House, have joined forces to launch the KindaProud Pocket Books of Hope series, a collection of inspiring personal stories designed to decrease stigma, improve wellbeing and influence the saving of lives through providing a more compassionate and positive conceptual framework for emotional distress.

The series publications launch on the 12th May 2019, starting with the release of #Emerging Proud through NOTES (Non- Ordinary Transcendent Experiences). Further books will be published throughout the year including, #Emerging Proud through disordered eating, body image and low-self-esteem, #Emerging Proud through Suicide and #Emerging Proud through trauma and abuse.

Each Pocket Book of Transformation has its own KindaProud Rep leading the campaign; a Peer who has personal experience of the theme of that specific book in which they tell their own story and encourage others to join them in doing the same.

“KindaProud empowers passionate Peers to tell their stories and be validated in doing so by a growing community that values authenticity, vulnerability and reduces stigma and shame. This helps build confidence and connection. Our project is empowering Peers to bravely speak out, proudly owning their story, and letting their voices be heard, in many cases for the first time.” explains Katie.

Katie and Sean’s long-term goal is to use all proceeds from book sales to provide free books to hospital wards and mental health facilities throughout the UK and Internationally, in order to inject much needed hope for people during their most difficult times. And although having never met in person, with Katie living in Norfolk and Sean in Liverpool, they regularly meet to discuss the project online. “The online world can be a cold and lonely place, with lots of negativity and hate, but it is important to acknowledge that social media can help people make valuable connections and can support recovery. It’s all about perspective and how we choose to use it,” explains Sean.

The underlying motivation for the new book series comes from the personal experience of both Sean and Katie, who have battled with mental health issues and recovery in the past.

Katie’s Story

Katie’s younger years were troubled, with her mother making two serious suicide attempts, including just after her birth and again when she was 17 years old. Katie lacked confidence and found herself battling with a heavy sense of ‘searching for more’. She embarked on a career in mental health in part to try and understand her mother’s experience, but this process purely acted as a mask for her own emotional baggage. After relocating to Spain to ‘start again’, Katie spiralled into depression and also attempted suicide in 2008. She returned to the UK the following year and took up yoga, meditation and self-development work, keen to avoid being medicated. Several years later, she experienced a spontaneous spiritual awakening during a meditation, at which point her life changed and she felt a revived sense of purpose and life mission.

As part of her recovery process, Katie went on to publish her memoir; Mend the Gap in 2014 and in 2016 set up the international human rights campaign; #Emerging Proud, allowing people all over the world to tell their transformation stories of having ‘emerged proud’ through a crisis. She also started to interview people about their ‘breakdown to breakthrough’ journeys, leading her to make and release a film on the subject in 2017, across 14 countries. Furthermore, the 12th May is now International #Emerging Proud Day around the world, helping to celebrate this perspective and to raise awareness.

Sean’s Story

Unlike Katie, Sean Patrick was a typical Millennial/ Gen Y, living life on the ‘ordinary’ path; going from High School to College to University to first job in the city. However, feelings of anxiety and depression became present in his 20s, with social anxiety leading on to more serious depression. “Like many people I didn’t know where I fitted into the world and despite having the things I was ‘supposed to’ I felt unhappy, anxious and unfulfilled.  I felt like I was on a treadmill and scared by the world,” explains Sean.

Sean’s ‘crisis point’ hit when he started to experience severe panic attacks at 22 years old. He had no option to but admit he had ‘mental health’ issues and begin to focus on fixing it. He started by reading books, gaining better understanding of his own mind and ultimately to a more spiritual outlook on life through daily meditation and adopting spiritual beliefs. After accepting an expat job in Hong Kong and spending half a year away from his ‘ordinary life’, he had the chance to recalibrate, explore meditation and mindfulness and let go of damaging old patterns and beliefs.

On returning home, Sean set up a blog called That Guy Who Loves The Universe and began to share ideas about spirituality and positive mental health with his following which grew to over 15K. He began to speak at conferences and wellness events all over the world and released an Amazon bestseller in July 2016. In 2017, Sean developed his own wellness company, That Guy’s House, with a main focus on wellness books and mental health projects.

After being introduced to Katie and finding out more about her #Emerging Proud campaign, Sean knew that bringing their skills together to launch the KindaProud series of books would be the perfect collaboration.

“The KindaProud Pocket Book of Transformation series is our way of helping to reduce the stigma associated with mental health and to reframe mental illness as a portal into self- actualisation – it is only labelled as an illness due to what we have been conditioned to believe in Western culture.  By sharing personal stories from a truly inspirational group of people, we hope many others will feel more able to speak out about how they are feeling and to start making positive steps towards fulfilment, acceptance and where needed, recovery,” explains Katie.

ENDS

Press Enquiries:

For further information, or to speak with Katie or Sean, please contact Jenna Owen on

01603 743 363 or email jenna@mediajems.co.uk

Will you be #Emerging Proud and shining your light with us? 

A common misunderstanding is that disordered eating only affects women, but the pressures to ‘look’ or ‘perform’ a certain way are just as likely to affect men. We are so grateful to Ari for sharing his difficult journey with us in order to raise awareness around this issue, and to give hope to other boys or men who might be in a similar situation and in need of support…

From bodybuilding to body-loving: My struggle through, and recovery from, Binge-Eating Disorder

TW: Numbers, ED behaviors

When I was 17, I competed in my first bodybuilding show.  I worked my way down to a pretty low energy intake pretty early on in the process, and for the last 5-6 weeks of prep, (which was an 18 week ordeal), my life had become completely consumed by restriction and over- exercising.  I was eating only “clean” foods at certain hours, a schedule I wouldn’t let anything else get in the way of (including friends and family). I was doing way too much cardio, I was using absurd amounts of stimulants to muster up just enough energy to not pass out in class, I obsessed over my weigh-ins and letting numbers on a scale turn into emotional events, and I had successfully isolated myself completely.

My sex drive, energy, and mood for the last 5 weeks were all in the tank.  To put it one way, I was not a pleasant person to be around.  But the worst part was the hunger.  It was like nothing I’d ever experienced, and yet the thought of “letting” myself eat was almost equally disgusting to me.  In class, I would scroll through pictures of “food porn” and write lists of foods I’d binge on and in what order after the show.

I used to watch classmates eating and become sincerely angry.  I would sometimes, after a long and emotional day, sneak into the pantry and “pig out” on literally one squeeze of honey, which would freak me out and cause me to compensate with an impromptu cardio session.

THE SHOW AND THE AFTERMATH

Immediately after stepping off stage at my show, I began eating.  It started with some “fit pizzas” one of the booths at the venue was offering.  We then hit a Hardee’s, where I got one of the “monster” double quarter pounder burgers, cheesy fries, and a large soda.  On the way back to the hotel, I distinctly remember virtually inhaling these cheesy fries and beginning to feel the most unnerving of sensations: my stomach was pleading for me to stop while my brain was yelling at me to keep eating.  The mismatch between my biological satiety cues and brain-derived reward and taste demands was a scary feeling to have, as I was constantly unsure of which excruciating sensation to respond to.

Back at the hotel, I began binge-eating all the foods I had stocked up on for this purpose.  This included Oreos, Reese’s pieces, a half-gallon of chocolate milk, marshmallow peeps, peanut butter, protein bars, Fiber One brownies, moon pies, Gatorade, and more.  As I continued to shovel this food into my mouth, my fullness turned into unbearable physical pain.  I was incredibly nauseous and tried to sleep it off.  But about two hours of sleep later, I was up and immediately began craving these foods again, so what did I do? Eat. And eat. And keep eating.

The night carried on like this: eating until I was in too much pain to keep going, trying to sleep, waking up to keep eating, etc.  By the time the morning rolled around, I was binge eating all of the free breakfast I could get.  We then stopped at a pizza place before heading back home, where I proceeded to eat an entire pan pizza.  This pattern persisted for a week straight.  I was more depressed than I’d ever been at any point in my life prior.

HOW LOOKING AT MYSELF IN A HOTEL MIRROR CHANGED MY ENTIRE LIFE

Exactly one week after the show, I was getting out of the shower and saw myself in the full-length mirror in the bathroom.  Though I had been taking “progress photos” of myself habitually since starting prep, and therefore had technically seen myself shirtless quite a few times after starting this binge, this was the first time I really saw myself and how “bad” I’d let things get.  I had devoted 18 weeks of my life to extreme obsession centered around getting as lean as humanly possible, which involved cutting off friends and alienating family, letting myself fall into deep pits of depression, abusing stimulants, hours and hours and hours of cardio, and constant restriction.  And so seeing myself literally right back to where I was when I started was difficult to swallow.

I distinctly remember this moment, almost six years ago now, as I started sobbing profusely and could think of nothing to do other than go to bed and hope the pain could go away.  I felt trapped and alone and like I’d never be able to express these worries to anyone. 

MY RECOVERY

My recovery was not a formal, nor linear, process.  In fact, I competed one more time, 3 years later, and went through a similar ordeal.  But over time I was able to get to the point where I’m at now: no longer valuing myself based on how much I weigh, how much food I ate today, or even how well my workout went. 

Since I hadn’t even understood that what I went through was an eating disorder, the approaches I used that got me to this point were hardly the typical “ED recovery” techniques.  Nonetheless, I learned that some general principles and practices were essential for my growth towards true intuitive eating and unconditional love of my body.  These included a period of fundamental self-discovery, mindfulness meditation, learning to mindfully eat, improving my ability to see the bigger picture, focusing more on self- compassion than ‘self-improvement’, and some other various elements (all of which guided the instructions I give in my book on ED recovery, 100 Days of Food Freedom).

And so that is why I’m here, writing this story.  Whilst the diet industry grows more and more, and cons people who just want to love the bodies they’re in out of their money and out of their sense of security, there is a void in the nutrition field that needs to be filled.  Food freedom means not defining ourselves by how “good” we did today in terms of diet or exercise, and it means not letting the scale control our lives.  More accurately, food freedom involves loving the eating experience, separating our thoughts and emotions from our actions and beliefs, and ultimately treating our bodies with the respect they deserve.

Ari Snaevarsson is a nutrition coach who works primarily with clients who suffer from disordered eating patterns. He also works as a counselor, dietetic technician, and on-call facilities manager at a residential eating disorder treatment center. In both capacities, he helps clients develop positive relationships with food and their bodies. His book, 100 Days of Food Freedom: A Day-by-Day Journey to Self-Discover, Freedom from Dieting, and Recovery From Your Eating Disorder, outlines a simple, day-by-day process to recovery from one’s eating disorder.

Links:

Ari’s website: www.100doff.com

Follow him on Instagram: @100daysoffoodfreedom

and Facebook: www.facebook.com/100doff/

Does Ari’s story resonate with your own experience? 

Would you like to share your story for Amy’s KindaProud book, #EmergingProud through disordered eating, body image and low self-esteem? 

Please contact Amy to find out how by contacting her at: info@soul-shine.org.uk

Sabine Obermayr-Adamzek, from Switzerland, currently living in the region Arnhem, The Netherlands, graciously tells us how her shamanic calling to be a healer manifested through what the western world calls ‘psychosis’. We see more and more proof that is is high time we ‘Re- think mental illness’ through these stories. Thank you Sabine, we are Kinda Proud of your journey…

Shamanism, my key to mental sanity

Writing this blog was inspired by the documentary “CRAZYWISE” by Phil Borges and Kevin Tomlinson.

I dare to state that shamanism saved my mental sanity. By now I am living with a worldview that is strongly based on knowledge and tools from indigenous people.

Burkina Faso

A few months after my 28th birthday I found myself breathing deeply, for the first time in my life the nocturnal air of Africa. I was standing on a platform on top of the stairs that lead down onto the tarmac of the airport  of Ouagadougou, the capital of Burkina Faso, a small country in West -Africa.

Little did I know that this visit would change my life fundamentally and irreversibly.

I was invited as one of the members of an international group of people who were invited by Sotigui Kouyaté (19 July 1936 – 17 April 2010, the head of a clan of griots and griottes, that are part of the Mandinka ethnic group. Griots and griottes  are keepers of  the oral tradition, storytellers, singers, performers, dancers and actors.

A number of westerners, including me, from a variety of countries, we were scheduled to travel around with several members of the Kouyaté family to do research for a theater project. I was a professional actress at that time.

To make a long story short: during this trip I started to have, what a professional would call, psychotic episodes. I saw things that others didn’t see, I heard strange voices in my head and I generally felt out of sorts, especially in the countryside. I remember a very strong physical sensation  of dissolving into the earth, not being able to breathe anymore, it felt like being under water, drowning in the earth. It seemed that I had senses, that weren’t there before I went to Africa, feeling things happening miles away, hearing rock formations talking to me in my head….

I can assure you it felt absolutely terrifying. I lost my sense of self, my identity of who I was. On the other hand I had experiences of being part of something much larger than mankind, that infused my mind and my body with a sense of wellbeing that I hadn’t encountered before and left me totally confused. I convinced myself there and then that these feelings and sensations were related to my extended stay in Africa.

They would vanish as soon as I was back in Switzerland, where I lived and worked at that time.

Guess what? They didn’t.

Back in Zürich

After having returned  to Zürich (Switzerland) a number of weeks later, these feelings, sensations and voices in my head still kept me awake various nights and made my daily life and functioning, the way I used to function, very difficult.

I remember one morning where I found myself sitting at the base of a big tree in a forest nearby the town center, soaked with rainwater to my skin and disoriented, gazing confused into the friendly face of a forest worker who asked me if I was alright. I answered more automatically than consciously : “Yes, of course” but obviously I wasn’t.

I had absolutely no recollection of how I ended up here. I had a vague memory of incredibly complicated energetic structures and deep friendly voices in my head.If anyone would have asked me then : What do you remember? I would have stared at them blankly and would have answered: Nothing.

At that point in time I was terrified, shaken to my core by the feeling of absolute powerlessness. Being in the grip of something so much bigger than me, that had taken over my consciousness. I wept for the woman, that I have been and wasn’t looking forward to the person I was becoming. Losing my memory, my sense of self and not knowing, where all these weird experiences would bring me, I decided that it was time to seek out a psychiatrist.

In the years that followed this episode, the knowledge that was dropped in my head that night, started to surface at appropriate times and gave me a lot of insight about the mechanics of the universe and the interconnection of all living systems.

A few weeks later my psychiatrist told me that I should take medication to control my ongoing psychotic episodes. I was afraid of what these chemicals would do to me and my brain, and decided to look for an alternative solution.

Synchronistically I came into contact with a Dutch man who was practicing Shamanism in France. After our initial contact on the phone, he told me, that he was expecting me.  That his Spirits had already informed him, that a Swiss lady would seek his help and  he recognized me, as this person. He invited me to participate in his upcoming workshop, where we would find the time  to consult the spirit world concerning my problems.

Shamanism and shamanic illness

In the first workshop I attended he taught me several techniques to regain control over what was happening to my mind. He promised me ongoing teaching and mentoring to follow my calling. “What calling”?  I asked him.

He explained to me that  from a shamanic point of view certain types of “mental illness” maybe nothing more than a strong calling to develop and research certain abilities that would be beneficial not only for the person who is experiencing this “illness”, but for everybody and everything this person would encounter later in life. That this experience, this “illness” is an inherent part of the training to become a shaman, a mediator between worlds. This training would not only involve himself as a teacher, but more importantly, that there would be other teachers from unseen realms that would guide me in my search.

He would teach me how to reach out to these teachers, to learn how to integrate the messages from the other worlds and train me to balance what was going on in my life in a good, healthy way. That I would embark on a journey with him to become a shamanic practitioner, he told me. For 15 years, I worked with Daan van Kampenhout as his student and co-teacher.

I was reading, studying and practicing all kind of indigenous and tribal worldviews from Lakota to Sami, from real people, healers and medicine people to knowledge that continues to be  passed on to me in dreams and trance journeys, since 1995.

Interconnectedness

Praying, like traditional medicine people do, accepting my “gift” of being able to communicate with everything that lives and generally embracing the idea that we all are interconnected with everything that has a spirit, the visible and unseen world around us, all coming from a common source, the creator, confirmed a lot of what I  experienced in my ‘psychotic’ episodes.

Humility, deep felt gratitude and compassion are since then a constant factor in my life. They form the base of my work as a shamanic practitioner and systemic facilitator.

In #Emerging Proud, we like to call this the ‘positive domino effect’ – with every person who is brave enough to step up, accept their calling and work on personal healing, they become able to offer support to others on the same path. It’s thanks to Sabine’s bravery, intense study and self- work that she is now able to do just that… ❤

Sabine says; “Feel free to contact me for a shamanic consult (from a distance as I live in The Netherlands)”

CLICK HERE TO FIND SABINE ON HER WEBSITE

Sabine Obermayr – Adamzek phone: ++31618275619

Does this subject resonate with your own experience? 

Would you like to share your story for Nicole’s KindaProud book, #EmergingProud through NOTES? 

Please contact us here to find out how. 

#Emerging Proud day on 12th May 2019 is set to be extra special; we be launching our Kinda Proud  book, #Emerging Proud through NOTEs, spearheaded by the inspirational Dr Nicole Gruel, and together hosting an online event and encouraging worldwide conversations around the topic of NOTEs (Non- ordinary transcendent experiences)…

Will you join us and help to bring voices to the collective?

CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT HOW TO HOST YOUR OWN #EMERGING PROUD DAY EVENT

Access all you need to host your own FREE event, or call in on the day to join in our live – streamed event… more details on that to follow in the coming months…

Let’s spread some magic together; we CAN create the change we wish to see in the world through the power of our authentic stories… 2019 is the year for stories to be told ❤

I am soooooo excited to announce that, with the incredible support of the heart – centred Publishing company, That Guy’s House , we have decided to set up a publishing imprint especially for our Kinda Proud book series, AND budding #Emerging Proud Authors!

This will be a not- for-profit set- up, with 100% of the royalties going to purchase Kinda Proud books for distribution to those in need of messages of HOPE… 

In time, we intend to also offer those of you who have #Emerged Proud and are keen to write your own books, the opportunity to publish under our publishing arm, also keeping 100% of your royalties… more on that later!

For now, we would love for you to vote on which name you think is most fitting…

CLICK HERE TO VOTE FOR YOUR CHOICE OF NAME

More often than not it can take an existential crisis to discover who we truly are, beneath all of our old coping mechanisms that we use to repress pain we are not ready to feel. Amanda shares how her life crisis has turned out to be her biggest blessing; it has led her to discover who she truly is, and not only is she living her authentic version of herself, she has finally learned to love herself too!

Rise up in Love

Connect to the magic of Hummingbird and the sweet nectar of life

My journey of falling in love with myself began when my 17 year relationship and marriage broke down and ultimately, came to an end. My entire life as I knew it had fallen apart.

Shortly after the separation I discovered certain truths that led me to feel deceived and betrayed. The rejection I felt was gut wrenching. The whole situation brought up my old story of feeling unlovable and replaceable.

My heart shattered into a million pieces.

It felt like my life had ended.

It felt like someone had died.

It felt like I had lost a part of my body.

I was totally heartbroken.

I felt unworthy.

I felt ashamed.

I felt like a failure.

I felt scared.

I felt guilty.

The list of self-loathing emotions I felt towards myself was endless.

For a long while getting out of bed in the morning was the biggest struggle.

I felt hopeless, a terrible mother, my body was gripped in such deep grief and pain that I literally felt like I couldn’t move.

I couldn’t even think about tomorrow without feeling anxious and panicky.  

Over the years I had developed an addiction to recreational drugs which I felt so much shame over.

I didn’t really know how to go out and enjoy myself without it.

I had no idea who I was.

I hadn’t supported myself financially for 14 years.

At 42 years old…I had no idea how to start a new life on my own.

But deep down inside I had a knowing.

A knowing that this was right and happening for me.

A knowing that this was an opportunity to rise up and connect to my authentic self.

I remember the day that woke me up and urged me to begin rebuilding myself and my life.

I was in bed and had barely been out of my room for a while. My daughter came over and made me get up and go see a friend. When I got back later, she had gone, my house was spotless and on my freshly made bed was a note saying… “Tomorrow is a new day. I love you.” I sobbed as my heart filled with love and gratitude for the love, beauty, compassion and wisdom she had shown me. My baby girl, now a young woman had reminded me of love, unconditional love and I decided at that moment to begin my journey back to loving myself.

I had to for my children.

I had to for myself.

It has been 2 years from the life I knew falling apart, to sitting here sharing my story.

In these 2 years, I have become a Forrest Yoga teacher, a bodyworker and healer, a transformational life coach. I moved and created a beautiful new home for myself and my kids. I started my own business, I met my twin flame, and most importantly I have fallen deeply in love with myself and my life. When I look back, I feel so much gratitude, so much pride  at how far I’ve come.

So how did I do it?

How did I turn my life around?

First, I made a commitment that no matter what, I was going to stay in a place of love and live from my heart.

I learnt to stop living in the past, repeating stories and create a beautiful new life.

I learnt to receive and give love unconditionally.

I learnt to forgive myself and everyone else involved.

I learnt to connect to the true authentic expression of me and be it unapologetically.

I committed to leading by example and show my children that it is possible to rise above anger, resentment and bitterness into unconditional love.

I committed to living with integrity and grace.

I committed to loving harder than any other negative emotion, embody and BE love.

Secondly, I chose to take responsibility for what had happened in my life, for my own happiness and not play into victimhood and drama anymore.

To be responsible for and change my behaviour, habits and stories connected to the imprints of my past that were clearly no longer serving me.

I overcame my addictions to drama, behaviour and stories of a lifetime. I had to get clear and conscious of what they were in order to catch myself, interrupt the pattern and change it.

Thirdly I practiced dreaming about how I wanted my future to look.

How I  wanted to feel.

Who I wanted to be.

What I wanted to do.

Why I wanted to do it.

I practiced and embodied how my future self would act, feel and be and made a commitment to be that person every day. I learnt tools to support me to overcome those moments when my past self would try and draw me back.

Everyday I practiced, committed and invested wholeheartedly into being my future self until it was more of a habit than being my past self.

And when I fell from grace, I owned it, made amends, forgave myself, loved myself and started again. I chose to never give up.

I  surrendered to the deeply uncomfortable and painful emotions I had repressed my whole life.

I leaned right into vulnerability.

I chose to rise up out of victimhood and into empowerment.

I chose to embody and FEEL deep gratitude and love for every experience, not only the joyful ones.

I chose to open my heart fully and commit to living, breathing and being my future self every single day.

Thank you Amanda for shining your bright light and helping others to #Emerge Proud as their authentic Selves ❤

Amanda is based in Norwich, UK,  where she lives and works. Her work is about empowering her clients in their own healing, in order to fall in love with oneself and their life–Rising up in love and living from the heart.  Amanda holds classes, workshops, courses, retreats in person and online. She also works one-on-one with clients empowering them in their healing and in their lives.

CLICK HERE FOR AMANDA’S WEBSITE 

Contact: amandahummingbird@gmail.com

Does Amanda’s experience resonate with your own? 

Would you like to share your story for Nicole’s KindaProud book, #EmergingProud through NOTES? 

Please contact us here to find out how.