Today Dani feels that she has emerged through her spiritual crisis with more meaning and purpose,
“During October last year (2016), I began experiencing ‘strange’ synchronisations. I was 22, I had developed anxiety and depression since a young age, I was very isolated in my teens spending most of my time studying in my room. I had an interest in the metaphysical world & psychology, extensively re-searched symbolism, numerology, astrology over 5 years, I studied religion, conspiracy, ancient esoteric knowledge, culture too.
During December I became neurotic after 6 weeks of feeling high, I’d had no sleep for days, having profound realisations & intense emotions. My mum became very worried about me. I’d say things like ‘I’ve seen everything past present and future’ & when I got a concerned response, I began crying out in frustration that ‘this is God’s will, do you not see?’
During my state of mania, my mind felt as though it was crystal clear It was as though my subconscious mind crossed with my physical reality, at no point did I stop & rationalise things. My senses had power, every object and visual I linked symbolically the knowledge came to me, I wrote essays, words and equations to help me remember. A build up triggered a kundilani, just after christmas,what felt like entities moving in my body, trying to fight these possessed states, enduring severe pain, my body became dysfunctional, my spine felt like it was on fire, all I saw were faces of evil, I eventually surrendered to this state of hell, which I understand to be the vulnerability of being out of god’s view entirely.
My mind used numerology and mythology to decode reality. I began creating psychadelic drawings, I seemed to have a lot of mental energy to draw.
Toward the end of January I had many spiritual transformations, sin passed through my soul, my body became a supernatural amour, I could take on the identity of others/animals what felt like a test of my own morality. my own ‘judgement day’ whether I was worth saving. I experienced extreme empathy through horrific experiences, purging though my soul which weren’t even my own, a child in war, a still born, a schizophrenic, an animal in captivity, abuse, a murderer, I took on these experiences through extreme empathy while unreal, these experiences were happening very real to me, I confused them with my own believing they happened to me in the past.
My delusions were extreme, and I hit rock bottom my family got me help through mental health services, I stabilised with medication & support over time. I felt the experience was a gift of spiritual evolution, to re-write my own history, with a new sense of clarity, gratitude for life and the truth, I’d been through hell and still managed to hold on. I am lucky to have the support from my family and the mental health services, it’s been 6 months since I got help and I feel at the beginnings of new life, I’m healing through mindfulness, wise in being able to foresee & direct my life with rightfulness, meaning and purpose to be a whole, kind person…”
Thank you for sharing your story with the #Emerging Proud community Dani. We are so glad you found helpful support, and wish you a continued journey of nourishment ❤
day 2018!
Reframing Mental distress as a potential catalyst for positive change 