Holly Chapman from British Columbia, Canada, now harnesses the wisdom from what was once labelled as symptoms of various ‘illnesses’ as her ‘board of directors’, listening to her visions, voices and sensitivities and embracing her ‘superpowers’ has helped guide her to a life she is now proud of – and so she should be! We are KindaProud of Holly and the hard work she’s put in to thrive through trauma; here’s her story so you can see why…

Photo Credit to: Leah Lipson

When does my story really start – Where do I begin; before my physical creation as an egg in Baba’s (grandmother’s) womb, with stardust – genetics/cellular structure & bloodlines, perhaps the birth where I landed in Toronto Ontario Canada on April 3^rd 1980, with a family carrying un-checked ancestral trauma is where I’ll begin.

Preeclampsia during pregnancy with birth complications definitely affected both my mother’s and my own health; Mum was bed-ridden and experienced much pain and I was born green struggling to breathe via emergency caesarean. There seem to be many definitions within various communities about, ‘What is Trauma’ and the simple one that resonates with me is ‘too much – too fast – too soon!” It never quite felt like either of us were ready for our new roles … despite our deep desire to arrive. An’ if empaths are born out of chaotic environments, the universe surely matched me well as a seed in training as I quickly developed the ability to read an’ feel the adults around me accurately (this superpower would later be labelled as paranoia, hypervigilance, or hallucinations). In addition, it was consistently noted that I was “mature for my age” and an advanced, yet struggling student who didn’t get along well with others. Another gift often acquired via exposure to traumatic circumstances is an openness to other levels of awareness that is historically cultivated through study, meditation and years of practice leading to mastery. Obtaining this additional sense of the world – too quickly and without context – eventually resulted in my diagnosis of multiple mental/physical health challenges.

Diagnosis:

Migraines including Abdominal Migraines / Full-body Migraines

Absence Seizures

Dissociative Identity Dis-order

Obsessive Compulsive Dis-order

Anxiety & Depression

Chronic Pain

Leaky Gut

Hair-Pulling (Trichotillomania)

Scoliosis & Spondylolisthesis

Central Sensitivity Syndromes which include Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, Multiple Chemical (and food) Sensitivities, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Tension Type Headaches, Temporomandibular Disorders, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, Restless Legs Syndrome, Irritable Larynx, Complex-Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Non-Cardiac Chest Pain, Myofascial Pain Syndrome.

And exhale …

But how did I get this way?

 

“There comes a point where we need to stop just pulling people out of the river. We need to go upstream and find out why they’re falling in.”

– Desmond Tutu

Brief List of Lived Experiences – Trauma & Abuse:

Early witness of domestic violence

Continued domestic violence

Living with the inconsistency, insecurities, and impulsivity of a single-parent struggling with past trauma, mental/physical illness and addictions (in & out of rehab)

Bullying throughout school and first 15 years of employment

Rape, sexual abuse, molestation (multiple experiences beginning from age 5 – early 30’s)

I’ve nearly drowned three times

Bit by dogs on multiple occasions

Multiple residential & school moves

Fallen down stairs (multiple)

Break-ups & Divorces

Huge Financial Loss (multiple gains/losses/gains)

Arrested under the influence of prescribed narcotics & anti-psychotics (multiple)

Sudden job loss / inability to maintain secure employment

Home Invasion

Eviction from residence

Assulted with a knife

Physical Abuse

Neglect

Drug abuse

Self-harm

Head Trauma (Multiple)

Three personal encounters with suicide

Three horrible Motor Vehicle accidents (The 2^nd accident someone died)

Near Death Experiences

In 2013 something shifted; following the third motor vehicle accident within a 6 year timeframe I was heavily medicated, unable to walk or talk or control my bodily functions, losing all material assets, including my home and – relationships, including my mother, that once formed my so-called life. I made a decision and it was this: I’d been willing on three past accounts to remove myself from this planet for reasons in that current moment I deemed quite insignificant, so was I willing to take a leap of faith this time in favour TO LIVE? You bet! And so I did. Moving from one city to another out of necessity created challenges in the transition of my healthcare needs, including prescriptions and though I don’t advise the “cold turkey” approach – it worked for me. What would a refugee do; what did my grandparents do escaping from war in their home countries? I come from people who moved with the times; my grandfather turned crops and my grandmother served tables – I come from masters of survival. I rode the rough tide of withdrawal with only one thing in mind – It’s my time to thrive! I knew I could conquer this metaphorical mountain, in fact I’d trained for this beyond my biological lifetime here on Earth. Finding peace and comfort between where I was and wanted to be became the practice. I discovered being here now is where the connected healing is at, and if “ya gotta feel it to heal it” holds truth then I’ve received a great gift and teacher through the intense pain I live with because I discovered a whole new realm of feeling, very different than my felt experience 33 years prior. Receiving the download during one of my episodes that pain is information running through me and how I process that perceived sensory “sensation” is now up to me. I began building a relationship with this body re-wiring new healthy patterns, often guided by two questions: “Does it serve” & “What is needed?”

Healing & health recovery are possible! With access to social media and the world abroad we’re seeing some amazing “miracles” in recovery these days; I use my time and resources with wellness in mind. Socrates reminds us that, “The secret of change is to focus all of our energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” Unemployed and seemingly unemployable, rebuilding my foundation became my work; I recognized the internal scaffolding was a ‘lil’ sketchy and I could see what was holding me up.

What’s worked for me:

[Seek Trauma Informed practitioners]

Meditation

Mindfulness

Breathwork

Affirmations

Yoga / Trauma Sensitive Yoga

Reiki (Change energy – Change life)

Tai Chi / Qigong

Gyrokinesis

Strength Training

Nature

Walking

Warm Baths

Naps

Self-Regulation (emotional)

Animals

Prayer

Movement

Dancing

Tapping

Shaking

Figure Skating

Krav Maga (Martial Arts)

Rock Climbing

Music & sound healing
Drumming

Singing bowl (music box with maracas, tambourine, thumb-piano and wooden frog)

Chanting

Kirtan

Emotional Release Exercises
Grief circles
Shamanic Healing

Ho’oponopono Reconciliation & Forgivness Ceremony

Tobacco Ceremony

Sweat Lodge
Church
Volunteering
Peer Support Groups (ex. Opening the Circle, a support community for those impacted by sexual abuse or sexual violence)

Applied Kinesiologist

Kinesiologist

Personal Trainer

Neuro-Visual Therapy & specialized prism lenses

Psychotherapy / Psychologist

Group therapy including Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy
Intuitive Art / Art Therapy

Anger Management

Self-Regulation
Re-Parent

Research on Happiness, smiling and posture. And practice.

Retrain basic employment skills

Basic Health Care, check-ups & dental hygiene

Massage

Acupuncture

Reflexology

Osteopathy

Chiropractic

Fascial Stretch Therapy

Drink Water

Self-care

Transitions Lifestyle System (TLS) & Supplements

Elimination of sugar, alcohol, coffee, and processed food-like items

Gut Health/Anti-Inflammatory Nutrition

Recovery Capital Conference of Canada

Attend free university lectures / workshops

The library was a fantastic resource
ISTA (International School of Temple Arts) level 1 & Practitioner training

Multiple Self-development courses

Camps or Retreats

*Psychedelic Psychiatry  – Psilocybin Mushrooms / micro-dosing
*Ayahuasca Ceremonies

Cannabis
CBD Oil
*MDMA
*Done with intention/ceremonial/sacred held space

Trust the process. It’s ok to have goals, and be here Now. I know I am enough. I had to toss the story of “that’s not for me” “I’m poor” “that’s for rich people” “out of my league” … I’m Becoming my best healthcare advocate. I wondered how athletes recovered and I researched (then I implemented); they participate in active recovery plans, they typically have healthcare teams, and they show up consistently! I Intuitively knew that what I’d been told was impossible – is possible. I also gained inspiration from artists & creators as they often brought dreamworlds into reality and my visions then became tangible.

“Every next level of your life will demand a different version of you.”

It wasn’t until my 29^th year on this planet that I even gained an awareness that society en mass wasn’t composed only of bullies, beaters, cheaters, rapists, thugs and the like – sitting in an evening held continuing-ed classroom, reading a text on abnormal human development / psychology where I realized this was my life all in one book wherein the content was unsettling and frightening. My “normal” had just been challenged in a BIG way; discovering this information provided me a pathway of hope – a map to return to self. I suddenly understood how I’d reached my current circumstances and I knew it wasn’t my fault. I kinda felt like Alice in Wonderland at times. I was able to apply child development frameworks to work back- rebuild-remedy recurring chronic dis-eases/ill formed patterns in my life.

It’s been my experience that from a young age we’re read a fairytale on how life will be if we do this or that, follow these steps, or bad things don’t happen to good people so do good always (whatever that means). Based on this combination of ideals encouraging people to control their external environments and destinies through willpower with the idea that fairness is expected and desirable in life, I often found myself susceptible to negativity, drained energy, failure, disillusionment, and feeling overwhelmed as life presented itself fully.

I realized one day that many humans seek out and pay money to achieve an altered state, so I’ve accepted the symptoms of visions, a plethora of sensory sensitivities, and voices. They’re my board of directors and together we move through life; I work with the team.

“Butterflies can’t see their wings. They can’t see how truly beautiful they are, but everyone else can. People are like that as well.”

– Naya Rivera

Although I still experience extreme feelings of isolation I’m aware that I wouldn’t have gotten to this place along the journey without ‘a little help from my friends’ – I express gratitude to each and every one who has participated in my story in real-time, and shared presence with me. Especially to my partner Derek Tse who has stayed on for the ride, respected my “No’s”, and shown me that kindness, compassion and acceptance does exist in (Hu)mens. Thank you for witnessing my telling of some of the lived-experiences I’ve encountered involving trauma & abuse. I am #EmergingProud.

Blessings along the Way,

Namaste

Holly

You can get yourself a copy of Holly’s inspirational story in print in our 4th KindaProud Pocket Book of Hope, #Emerging Proud through Trauma and Abuse from 10th October 2019, when, with all of those who have taken part in this series, we aim to change the narratives for World Mental Health day to ones of not only surviving, but thriving ❤

Ty Faruki’s experiences of racial abuse and witnessing first- hand the atrocities of socio/political conflict resulted him being given a ‘disorder’ label. If anyone reads the reasons behind Ty’s behaviours and nervous system responses, they become understandable human reactions to the trauma he has been through.

Ty #Emerges Proud through Trauma and Abuse to tell his story and help to normalise these issues so that they can be more appropriately supported…

Making sense of my brain is like making sense of the unhealthy things that taste good. My father passed away when I was very young, and I always felt disenfranchised in Britain as a minority. Dad was of Pakistani descent, and my mother from the UK, with roots in Eastern Europe. I am the only one with a likeness of my father and, as a consequence, growing up in a predominantly white town attracted all sorts of unwanted comments. When I washed, I tried to remove my skin colour by abrasively sponging my skin, in a desperate attempt to turn white and ultimately fit in with my peers.

Following disputes between the family, both sides ceased contact. I was later diagnosed with OCD; I washed my hands like there was not enough water in the world and this later developed into stress, anxiety, depression and bipolar. I sought treatment but nothing worked.

In my teens I was run over by a known racist on his motorbike, the insults and slurs amassed, and my sense of identity decreased.

Later, I fell in love with photography and it took me to many places including Iraq during the liberation of Mosel by allied forces, Somalia during the major drought of 2017, Ukraine over a period of 5 years, Pakistan, Lebanon, Jordan, Japan, Kazakhstan and more, documenting humanitarian crises, conflicts and cultural histories.

The time spent in these countries made me witness to shelling, bombs, poverty and a guilt that comes with witnessing and leaving these circumstances behind. Watching bullets and shells channel the air to make their way towards an ill-fated destination still seemed unreal, until the bullets came in my direction, whistling above the trees to clink on top of my helmet and flack jacket.

Watching troops I had embedded with respond with mute emotions, knowing anything else could get them killed, and then returning to regular chit chat after battles had calmed, was surreal. The sound of pounding rockets fired from their immobile launchers was deafening and powerful. I remember the force slamming into my face, like an invisible wall.

Sometime later, I decided I wanted to focus on personal projects and took time to build these up. But I had not imagined for one second what was to befall me. I remember waking one morning, wanting to pour a glass of water and needing to consume it quickly. I was paranoid – telling myself that it might be poisoned if I left it alone. The fifth of November came, and screeching sounds through the air emulated times from abroad, where bombs had exploded, and bullets pierced the air above my head. When cars back fired, or building materials suddenly dropped onto the floor, I reacted internally with immense panic, biting into my pillow, hiding around corners, sweating profusely and dodging calls and appointments with friends and family.

As I write this from the city of Kharkiv, Ukraine, the air conditioning unit crackling above the couch I am sleeping on taunts me of a time in Iraq.

It is involuntary and when I tell of my ‘condition’ to friends their response is usually “well that’s what they say” and “yeah, ok”. I already feel crazy, and being told indirectly that I am, is clearly not useful to me or others suffering with the same.

Today I feel very different. Although I have not conquered my difficulties, I consciously challenge and fight them. Even though I return to habitual ground zero, the fact I am rebelling against my OCD and depression is a victory in itself. It knows I am here to reclaim my lands – and it too is hiding around corners, sweating profusely, dodging my calls.

Ty’s Bio:

Ty Faruki is a British-Pakistani photographer who began in film before progressing towards photography, seeing it as a preferred method of documentation and capture. His photographs have featured internationally in leading publications for a wide array of subjects including: New Statesman, The Irish Times, Financial Times and the Telegraph, as well as exhibitions within the Embassy of Ukraine and the Houses of Parliament.

He currently has plans to work on a project that seeks to help the public understand the difficulties people with the impact and effects of trauma live with. He is also working on a project about Islamophobia, and the problems Muslims encounter every day within the UK and worldwide.

We are so grateful to Ty and all who are bravely #EmergingProud to show there are always personal reasons behind what the current mental health paradigm dismisses as ‘bio-chemical imbalances’…

It is our hope that the more we can all shine a light on this the more focus can go on the provision of therapeutic interventions that actually help those suffering to not only survive, but thrive ❤

We are still collecting stories for our 4th Pocket Book in the KindaProud series; #Emerging Proud through Trauma and Abuse 

Please CONTACT US HERE if you’d like to take part.

Collating the KindaProud Pocket Books of Hope and Transformation has been such a journey of learning and growth… each one seems to get stronger and more profound.

Our 3rd book; #EmergingProud through Suicide will be available for pre-order on Monday, ahead of its official release on World Suicide Awareness day on 10th Sept. This is thanks to all of the brave contributors, our Rep Kelly, our team member Mandy who has painstakingly given her time to do the editing, and Seán’s team publishing magic.

My Story by Theresa Casaccio

My early years were very unstable and frightening.  My mother carried me whilst in a psychiatric facility and my father was a violent alcoholic.  I remember little of my early years, though there are feelings of fear, confusion, sadness and pain connected to them and a few memories, especially that of the night that changed our lives forever. After a drunken, violent fight between our parents, our Mum, my brother, sister and I left home the next morning with only the clothes on our back, never to return.

We are now collating stories for our next Pocketbook in the KindaProud series;

#Emerging Proud through Trauma and Abuse. Trauma has many guises, and can occur in the most unexpected ways…

We will hear more of Martha’s story for this next book very soon, but as an introduction here is her account in a brilliant interview with Will Hall…

This interview explores the complex relationship between psychedelics, psychosis and spiritual awakening, through the lens of Martha- who has lived through an intense ayahuasca journey that resulted in a series of manic episodes, sectioning and iatrogenic trauma, as well as a deepened sense of aliveness, divinity and peace in her everyday life.

Now working within the NHS as a mental health worker, she speaks with Will Hall about the dance between disclosure and safety at work; transpersonal and clinical psychology; and ‘madness’ and awakening.

Martha is doing a masters degree in transpersonal psychology, spirituality and consciousness studies, and is co-director of an interdisciplinary think tank for psychosis research in Bristol. Martha also has a keen interest in and love for Zen Buddhism and depth astrology.

CLICK HEAR TO LISTEN TO MARTHA’S INTERVIEW WITH WILL HALL ON MADNESS RADIO

Martha will be sharing her story in our #Emerging Proud through Trauma and Abuse Pocketbook of Hope and Transformation – find out when it’s released and how to get it onto your bookshelf HERE! 

A day to explore NDE’s and other ‘Non-ordinary’ states of mind in relation to the nature of the evolution of consciousness

CLICK HERE TO BOOK YOUR SEAT 

Speakers: Dr Peter Fenwick (neuropsychiatrist, author and academic)

Dr Steve Taylor (author and lecturer in spirituality and psychology at Leeds Beckett University)

Iain Ball (will speak about his mystical experience during epilepsy)

The speakers will give their thoughts on the nature and evolution of consciousness with reference to Near Death Experiences (NDEs), experiences around the time of death, mystical experiences in epilepsy and other non-ordinary states of consciousness.

There will be opportunity for group sharing and discussion. The presenters will answer questions in a panel / Q&A format at the end of the day.

Programme:

10.30 – 11.00 am – Registration and coffee / tea, etc.

11.00 – 12.00 am – Dr Peter Fenwick

12.00am – 13.00 pm – Dr Steve Taylor

13.00 – 14.00 pm – Lunch Break – teas, coffees etc. will be available, but please bring your own lunch or there is a local supermarket nearby.

14.00 – 15.30 pm – Iain Ball and group discussion / sharing

15.30 – 16.00 pm – Comfort break

16.00 – 17.00 pm – Panel and Q&A with Dr Peter Fenwick, Dr Steve Taylor and Iain Ball

17.00 pm – Close

CLICK HERE TO BOOK YOUR SEAT 

CLICK HERE FOR THE FACEBOOK GROUP AND TO CONTACT THE ORGANISER 

Our 3rd Pocketbook of Hope and Transformation in the KindaProud series has probably been the toughest yet; a hugely sensitive subject which is so prevalent in our society, and yet so little spoken about. All of the amazing 16 faces on this cover, and of course our passionate Rep Kelly, want to change the public perception of what it means to have been affected by suicide.

It’s with huge gratitude to everyone involved that we proudly announce;

#Emerging Proud through Suicide is set to publish on World Suicide Awareness day; 10th Sept 2019 

What are people saying about this book?

People contemplate suicide when they believe they have no hope left. These moving and powerful stories show that despair can be the beginning, not the end, and can open up the path to a new, meaningful and rewarding life. The evidence is in the words of these 16 courageous individuals. They have lessons for all of us, but particularly for those struggling with hopelessness and despair.

Dr Lucy Johnstone, Consultant Clinical Psychologist, author and the former Programme Director of the Bristol Clinical Psychology Doctorate and was the lead author of Good practice guidelines on the use of psychological formulation (Division of Clinical Psychology, 2011). She has worked in Adult Mental Health settings for many years, most recently in a service in South Wales. She was lead author, along with Professor Mary Boyle, for the Power Threat Meaning Framework, a Division of Clinical Psychology-funded project to outline a conceptual alternative to psychiatric diagnosis, which was published in January 2018.

Sometimes, if we look hard enough amongst the barrage of biomedical model messages about ‘mental health’ and  human suffering that this society is swamped with, we find books like this. 

Books that give a voice to individuals, that celebrates the strength of the human spirit and our connection with each other.

These courageous testimonies remind us, unequivocally, that the route to ‘healing’ (or whatever word we choose to use), is in finding our own meaning, making our own sense and telling our own stories. 

Jo Watson, Psychotherapist and Activist. 

Founder of Drop the Disorder FaceBook group and Organiser of the ‘A Disorder for Everyone!’ events. www.adisorder4everyone.com

The incredible stories captured in the pages of this KindaProud Pocketbook of Hope remind us all what human beings have always known, but what over time has been forgotten; mental and emotional distress provides the crucible of transformation, always on our side and never against us. It is only by reaching their perceived rock bottom, that these 16 incredible souls are able to finally find their ground and a pathway leading them, not to the life that they had planned, but rather to the life they were always meant to be living.

Joanna, Phyllida & James, Co-Founders, Safely Held Spaces https://www.safelyheldspaces.org

Follow the blog or watch THIS PAGE to find out how to get hold of your copy from 10th Sept 2019…

These books are proving to be so popular that we don’t want to stop here; our intention is to continue the series with another 4 Pocketbooks. We have funding for half of the costs for this already pledged from the hugely supportive The Missing Kind Charity

We are seeking a match- funder; do YOU know of anyone (or organisation) who might sponsor us to get these inspiring messages out into the world? CONTACT US HERE ❤

This congress may be of interest to proud #Emergees …

For more information go to:

www.medspiritcongress.org

BOOK HERE

Hosted by BUSS 

It’s with huge thanks to all involved; the brave story contributors, the Kinda Proud team who have given their time and enthusiasm voluntarily, and The Missing Kind Charity for their belief and backing, that we have made it this far… our 3rd manuscript;

#Emerging Proud through Suicide, is now complete and in the process of publication!

*trumpet sounds*

This really has been true heart- centred collaboration in action! ❤

We very much HOPE to continue this popular series with another 4 books in 2020… we have a match funder and are seeking a sponsor to fund half of the project to ensure we can continue – would you like your name or organisation to help us provide hope to those struggling all over the world? Please GET IN TOUCH 

GET YOUR COPY HERE FROM 10th SEPT 2019