Trauma is experienced in many forms, and Johnny has discovered that talking rather than suppressing his own has been the key to setting him not only on the road to recovery, but feeling better in himself as he knows talking openly about his past is also helping others to speak out too… Here Johnny #Emerges Proud with his life story;

My name is Johnny Gupta and I am 48 years old and based in Heywood, Greater Manchester. After watching ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ a few years back and recently watching ‘Lion’, I was inspired and thought maybe it’s time to tell my story.

For a few months now I have being feeling anxious and depressed but did nothing about it, my wife did say; “Go to the doctor’s and tell them how you are feeling”…but I was afraid as it’s not the norm….especially for men; there is no intention of me being sexist, as women talk more to each other.

A few weeks ago, I woke up and felt suicidal and I promised my family that if I ever felt like that I have to do something about it because my brother committed suicide and I have lost dear people to me who have also done that. So I took my wife’s advice and rang the doctor’s and told them how I was feeling; straight away an ambulance came and took me to hospital.

I was then seen by a lady from the RAID team who sat down with me and said what is wrong and she said that we are not judgemental but here to listen and help.

That’s when I just broke down and for 2 hours; I told her everything that was going on in my mind….and it brought out everything that I had suppressed in the past:-

1) I was physically, sexually, mentally abused when I was younger by many foster parents and older children from many children’s homes

2) The abnormal life with my family as a child and what we went through.

3) The pressure of society now and stress of work, finance, home, physique, family, future and other stuff.

After the time I spent with her I did feel a bit better as I TALKED to an outside person who knew nothing about me…

But what really helped me was the support and understanding from my wife, family from both our sides and my true friends as I opened up to them and TALKED and was not ashamed or embarrassed and what was overwhelming was the fact how they reacted to me….for which I will ALWAYS be grateful.

Here is a synopsis of my life story:-

In 1965, my mother came to St.Albans, Hertfordshire, with her parents and siblings from Formia, Italy. In the same year my father came to the same area in England from a village called Chandrapur, Dharmanagar, North Tripura, India.

My mother was working in a café when my father and his friend came in and starting chatting to her. They began a relationship, my mother’s parents were not happy as my mother was Italian catholic and my father was Indian Hindu, but it did not stop them seeing each other.

In 1967, my sister Tania was born and in 1970, I was born.

In 1972, my father took all 3 of us to his village in India to live with his parents and siblings. We were there for 3 years and in that time 3 other siblings were born, 2 sisters and 1 brother, Rakhee, Onjon and Babe. It was very difficult for us as my mother was the first White woman to enter the village, there was no gas, electricity, toilets were outside and my mother had to cook on the floor. My mother took the Hindu religion to please my father and his parents, so she had to adapt to the culture and all the formalities that go with it. My parents had a very turbulent relationship in those 3 years.

In 1975, my father wanted to come back to England for work while his intention was to leave us with his parents but my mother disagreed. As my sister Babe was only 3 months old, my father and his parents decided to leave her with them as she was not well. My mother was not happy with this but had no choice, because she was not willing to stay in the village with us.

When we arrived in England, there were the four of us and my parents. My father then left us and went his own way, my mother had a nervous breakdown and put us in a taxi to where my father was staying, but they did not open the door, so the police were called and we ended up in social care.

For two years the four of us were moved from children’s homes to foster parents constantly. Finally, when my mother was better, she came and took my elder sister, Tania and myself back with her to my grandparent’s house. She was unable to take my sister Rakhee and my brother Onjon. They eventually got adopted by English parents who named them Diane and Richard, my mother was forced to sign the adoption papers.

My father went back to India and got married again. When he came back he was still seeing my mother on and off and at that time my youngest brother, Symon was born. My mother found out that he got married again and his wife was expecting; there is a six month difference between my brother and my stepsister.

My mother was looking after Tania, me and Symon, and those years were very difficult financially as my father did not support us at all. It was a very hard time, my father had 2 more children with his new wife.

When I turned 18, I was very curious about what happened to my other siblings, so I started doing some research and questioning my mother and father. I was able to trace where my brother and sister were and who were their adopted parents, so Tania and I went to see them and it was very emotional. We decided to keep in touch until they were at a legal age to make their own decisions.

In 1994, I got married and moved to Rochdale, Greater Manchester, leaving my mother and Symon in St.Albans. Tania had already left home and all the siblings were in contact with each other.

In 2002, my brother Richard (Onjon) committed suicide by hanging himself in his room, he was a PE teacher at a private school.

As I was established, I started to think about my sister, Babe in India, who has never seen her mother or siblings since birth. I went to India twice to try and bring her to England but failed on both occasions as my father made it very complicated.

Eventually, as my father was getting older and his brother who was looking after her was getting older, my father said that if he does bring her to England, I will have to look after her. I agreed. He managed to get her a British passport and I paid for everything including flights.

In 2010, my sister Babe came to England and after 32 years saw my mother and her siblings for the very first time, there was obviously a communication barrier.

In 2011, I got my sister Babe married and she is happily living with her husband and her daughter in Ashton, Tameside.

Currently my sister Tania has a daughter with her boyfriend, my sister Diane has a daughter and son, my brother Symon also has a daughter and son and I have a son and daughter.

The above is a synopsis off my true life story. I hope there is an opportunity to make it into a tear-jerking and moving film, as there has been a lot of sadness, regret, bitterness, tragedy, and everything else in between.

The above synopsis is from my point of view but I am sure that my parents and siblings have also their story to tell as they see it.

I hope we can send a message to everyone and say it’s OK to feel how you feel and to TALK and ASK for help, as there are still good people in this society we live in now who do care and want to help and want to make this society a better place to live in.

The mind is the most powerful tool in a human and if you have no peace or unrest do something about it…if you need help …ASK for it…there is no shame or embarrassment and it will make you a better and stronger person and you will have a better life….BELIEVE IN YOURSELF and what you can achieve is in your mind!

You can’t change the past, BUT you can change the present and whatever the future holds for you if you are ready for it.

Does this subject resonate with your own experience? 

Would you like to share your story for Mandy’s KindaProud book;

#EmergingProud through Trauma and Abuse? 

Please contact Mandy to find out how by contacting her at: ambrieleve@gmail.com