Unfortunately Lorna’s story is not uncommon; turning to drugs and alcohol as a ‘sensitive’ to repress ‘unusual’ experiences in childhood that are not acknowledged, is said to be a major cause of depression and suicidal tendencies in later life. Thankfully Lorna’s sudden ‘awakening’ shook her back onto a path of rediscovery, and then recovery. Here Lorna bravely bares all in order to help others who may be suffering in silence:
“I would class my-self as being a psychiatric escapee after years of being in and around environments where it was ‘normal’ to drink copious amounts of alcohol.
I drank to fit in with others as an extreme people pleaser and co dependant person who lost the ability to recognise her own needs through peer pressure of being told what she was seeing and feeling were not true. All this in childhood.
All this led me into self-sabotage after the death of loved ones, 3 children and a broken marriage and finally a serious car accident left my body broken and having to rely on others who could not see my needs and I became less and less able to know what they were also.
After turning more to alcohol and drugs I came to the point of believing that taking my own life would be of benefit to all around me and to ease my inner conflict.
Through synchronicities I was led into a self-help support group where one night while listening to soothing music and feeling very calm and happy lying on my sofa I had a profound experience of being out of my body and knowing all was completely blissful at the simultaneous moment of being in pure hell. I felt I was dying and being re-born at the same time!
The next day I stepped out of my door to a new world of colour and felt pure Love for everyone! I could not sustain the feeling though..
It sent me down a spiritual seeking path and I’ve had to delve deep into my inner worlds where I realised that I also had been blessed not to have been sectioned due to extreme neurotic and sometimes psychotic behaviours, to a lesser or greater degree. I had been put on most anti-depressants available over the years and demanded to have Valium to slow my racing head from bursting! I only recall the doctor once saying it may be beneficial for me to see a psychiatrist but I refused as I had a relative under the mental health umbrella and I’d seen what could happen there…
Once I realised my behaviours had become so unstable and the damage I had caused to others, especially my three daughters, the guilt and shame were unbearable at times but again I felt I was being loved and guided by ‘something’ within me that was telling me I would come through and then help others to their freedom.
I believe this was a spiritual emergence over the years and I can relate to people who have had similar experiences all to that greater or lesser degree. I’ve had mystical and magical times and have been blessed to have friends who have supported me through the dark times.
I now feel balanced within, mentally, emotionally and spiritually and have never felt so physically well.”
Thank you Lorna, for #Emerging Proud, and for bringing the gifts of your authentic self back into the world ❤