You may remember Fran’s story which she shared with us a couple of weeks ago for Amy’s book: “When social judgement and expectations conflict with the call to authenticity, the result is suffering.” We couldn’t agree more Fran…

Now Fran generously shares her additional transition; from Peer Experiencer, to Peer Trainer, and how being her whole Self has enabled her to model vulnerability so that others can dare to find and accept them ‘Selves’ too…

I trace my recovery journey from discovering peer support groups. Peer support was there for me when I couldn’t afford professional help, when the volunteer counsellor said she didn’t understand what words meant when I used them. In peer support I felt that I’d found my crowd, we were all crazy but I was no crazier than anyone else.

I also found a new identity as an Artist.

I began to wonder if I could model one day. What would people see if they drew my body? Would my body ever reflect who I am inside? Could I overcome my fear of being seen, or being intimate in that way?

(Illustrations from Fran’s life modelling sessions by Leonie Kervin)

I became a peer support worker. I trained, I began working with people in crisis. I began to learn more about mental health , about what it takes to become well. I started to look at my own life and wonder if I dared to admit what I wanted, if I dared to become well, if I dared to become whole. I was challenged by changing attitudes. If my friends could accept me, if my community could accept me, why couldn’t I learn to accept myself?

I did Mind’s 5 day peer support worker training around four years ago with Robyn and Paul. The storytelling was very confronting, as was the goal setting exercise. At the time it was beyond me to claim and own what I wanted in life.

I told my story straight up, first cab off the rank. I’m an anxious rather than confident person, but I know the skill to plunge in and “fake it till you make it.” I knew that if I got it done straight away then I’d only suffer one night’s sleepless anxiety about it, rather than three or four. I’d rather face the fear than face the waiting. This is a double edged strength: I don’t sit well with anxiety and uncertainty – sometimes I make things worse for myself just so I don’t have to wait in uncertainty.

I’ve told my story four or five times in these classes. Each time I have to deal with that anxiety and uncertainty – it hasn’t gotten easier. I get so disorganised when faced with my own story. I forget things. I can’t connect the dots. Pieces fall off. My life isn’t so much a journey or a narrative as a cloud of minnows: the tighter and more anxiously I grasp at it the more it darts through my fingers leaving me holding nothing but a foolish look on my face!

On the other hand my lived experience is always there. When people talk about their own feelings and experiences the fish may swim closer, then maybe I have something to share. For me peer support starts with listening. Listening to the person, listening to my own inner thoughts and feelings.

……………………..

I’ve worked as a peer support worker for four years. It’s a strange paradoxical job, sometimes it hardly seems like working at all. Some of the best work I do is walking around the block with people and going to the coffee shop and listening to them talk. Get people out in the sunshine, get them talking. Catch them doing or saying something positive! Don’t underestimate the humble walking group or shared cup of tea – it can do more good than pills and doctors sometimes.

I like to practice being available. Hanging around the common areas of the residence, preparing food and having lunch with residents. For me good peer support happens in the informal moments and the little spaces between meetings, groups and psycho education sessions. I keep myself occupied and active, even if no one is around or no one turns up for a scheduled group: Let them catch me doing something positive! That’s modelling.

I try to actively practice my self care. I look after myself. I access my supports when I need them. I work on my sleep hygiene and my exercise. I share this process at community meeting. Talking about my self care and my challenges is another way I can model a recovery attitude. I share this with staff as well.

One of the most empowering things about being a peer support worker is that you have permission to say “I don’t know.” I’m not God, I’m not a doctor, there’s so much I don’t know. I don’t model perfection; I model vulnerability, enthusiasm, anxiety, curiosity about people, and hard work. I love that I can bring myself to this work.

I try to think about how things feel for people. What experience people have in the system. The things people force themselves to do or say in order to get help, why people twist themselves all out of shape. My minnows help. I try to communicate some of these feelings to other staff, to speak to the feelings of mental health. Part of our job is to support people, part is to represent people to the system. Our humanity, our vulnerability, our hope and authenticity is found at the bottom of both of these roles. Behind our selves let there be found our selves.

………………….

A key milestone in my experience was being challenged by greater community acceptance to start to find a way to accept myself. Your acceptance, your compassion matters – especially to those in your own family and community.

I hope that my story helps you to find yourself, to accept yourself and to learn to care for yourself and to find your way home. Never give up hope.

Does Fran’s story resonate with you? Would you like to share your personal journey to provide HOPE to others who might be struggling? To appear on the blog and in the KindaProud pocket book of hope: 

#EmergingProud through disordered eating, body image and low self-esteem

Please contact Amy at: info@soul-shine.org.uk

“And I said to my body, softly, ‘I want to be your friend.’ it took a long breath and replied, ‘I have been waiting my whole life for this.’”

~Nayyirah Waheed

Through her studies, Shae has come to realise how interrelated our self- care is to the environment and the planet. She says; “It was this love that I had for myself, even in the very beginning of my journey, that allowed and influenced my transformation.”

Here Shae shares her transformation journey from a negative self- image to allowing herself to devote valuable time to her needs, desires, pleasures, and inspiration…

When I was 8, my first memory of feeling negatively self-conscious of my body, was when my mom saw me touching the skin on my belly and she asked me if I was playing with my rolls. I am not sure why she referred to my belly as “rolls” because I was a slim, healthy young girl. However, I do not recall having a specific body image prior to that comment and it planted a seed that followed me throughout childhood and well into adulthood. I began to gain weight and binge-eat occasionally during my teens. My weight fluctuated and I gained and lost around 30 pounds through my early 20s. When I moved into a cottage alone and was working at a law firm I hated, I gained a lot of weight in a couple of years. I was on my own and completely uninspired.

I ended up deciding to break free from city life and move up to a quaint, small town in the mountains to attend a community college that had a horse program (I trained and bred horses throughout my teens and 20s). During college, I met the man who would become my husband and the love of my life. We married and had our daughter. After our daughter was born in 2003, my husband and I experienced extraordinary difficulties and challenges from external circumstances that forced us to live apart for years. The stress of missing my love and raising our daughter alone caused me to become obese. I spent most of those years in survival mode. There was a period of time I was alone and homeless with my one-year-old. We camped for a whole summer until school resumed and we moved into a homeless shelter before finally being able to find an affordable home.

Life for my toddler and I smoothed out as the rhythmic school routine set in. It was during this phase that I tried extreme measures to loose weight and regain health and self-love. I tried teas and diets and read everything I could get a hold of to try and solve my “problem.” I would do well for a while and then slip back into self-sabotaging habits. I graduated and transferred to a four-year university. We stayed there for a year and I transferred again to Mills College in Oakland. My daughter and I lived there for two years on campus in Family Housing until I graduated and moved again. At this point we were living with my husband again and moving a lot.

I continued on in school and was accepted into a doctoral program. The financial, emotional, and academic stress was overwhelming. I never stopped trying to get control of my weight and I also never stopped loving myself. I was disappointed with myself but practiced self-love and was generally gentle with my process. I remember feeling more desperate and depressed than angry and hating myself. The doctoral program began to require my cohort to focus on our research interests and mine was mindfulness. I loved that it encompassed so many aspects of life and had such a positive impact on people who use mindfulness techniques. Eventually, I narrowed my focus to mindful eating and my dissertation design unfolded to include human and planetary health and our food system politics, which was all framed within mindful eating. The experience of researching and writing my dissertation was extremely rewarding and an amazing journey. I felt and still feel I found my life’s mission. Also, during that time, I became a certified health coach. It was at this point in my journey I finally found my balance.

Nourishing one’s body is a significant aspect of what it is to be human. I believe that finding ways to connect more intimately with the body, food, the eating process, and the ways in which they are all connected to the environment, is purposeful and worthwhile. If these connections are made, I believe the heightened awareness may cultivate improved physical and environmental health. In my research I learned so much about how a plant-based diet improves health and it just resonated with me. I deeply believe in the power of the connection between how food is grown and produced and the ways it is interrelated with the environment and planetary health.

Once I began eating whole food plant-based, my body began to feel so vibrant and alive. My digestion was on point and my sleep patterns fell into a satiating rhythm. All health issues disappeared within a few months. I began walking regularly and enjoying yoga in the mornings. Another piece of my healing was committing to a regular meditation practice first thing in the morning. I made it my first self-care priority. This practice was paramount in my transformation. It has been one of the most powerful aspects of coming back into balance. Another very important facet of my transformation has been spending time with loved ones. When I was overweight and feeling depressed all those years, I did not have a desire to spend a lot of time with my family and friends. This fell away almost immediately when I changed my self-sabotaging habits.

Realizing that it was my habits that held me out of balance with my body-mind, I did a lot of research on the subject of habits. I learned that most of us are three days away from making positive and sustaining habitual changes. In other words, it is especially hard for three days and then as our internal audience becomes more impressed with our new and healthier habits, the transition becomes easier and the momentum begins. I take each day at a time. This is what mindfulness teaches. My goal each morning is to do things that specific day that will make me feel healthy, strong, joyful, and clear-minded. Every morning, after meditation, I read a page of notes I created to remind me of all the inspirational reasons I have to continue my healthy habits this day. I only focus on the present day and try not to ruminate on the past or future unless it is reminiscing on pleasant memories or daydreaming of pleasant future thoughts.

Over a couple of years, I have lost more than half my body weight and completely transformed not only my body but the way I show up in the world and my life experience. I am free in my body now and I intentionally practice self-love and self-care everyday. This transformation really is an internal process. I find myself listening carefully to the subtle whisperings of my internal audience and the longer I do, the more love and health emanates from my Being. Self-love, for me, is listening to my authentic self and following through each day with the commitment I made to devote time to my needs, desires, pleasures, and inspiration. It was this love that I had for myself, even in the very beginning of my journey, that allowed and influenced my transformation.

Two mantras I say to myself daily: 

~I am happy, healthy, calm, and beautiful.

~How rare and perfect you are.

Today I asked my body what she needed, which is a big deal considering my journey of not really asking that much.

I thought she might need more water.

Or protein.

Or greens.

Or yoga.

Or supplements.

Or movement.

But as I stood in the shower

Reflecting on her stretch marks,

Her roundness where I would like flatness,

Her softness where I would like firmness,

All those conditioned wishes

That form a bundle of

Never-Quite-Right-Ness,

She whispered very gently:

Could you just love me like this?

~Hollie Holden

Does this subject resonate with your own experience? 

Would you like to share your story for Amy’s KindaProud book, #EmergingProud through disordered eating, body image and low self-esteem? 

Please contact Amy to find out how by contacting her at: info@soul-shine.org.uk

Have you experienced a spiritual crisis / emergence and feel that you would benefit from taking part in a peer support group to help integrate the process? 

A new Emerging Kind group has recently started in Oxford, UK and is open to new members.

Alan, the Peer facilitator says;

” I am really excited about our new group starting. The training and support provided by the Emerging Kind Project (through Linda and Katie) has been excellent, and I feel well equipped now to facilitate the group. We are just starting and are open to new members so please do get in touch if you are interested or pass the word around to people who live in the Oxford area who might benefit.”

Meeting details are: 

Oxford , Oxfordshire UK (open to members) 

Location: Friends Meeting House 43, St Giles Oxford

1st and 3rd Monday of each month, 7 -9pm

Attendance is free, but we request a voluntary contribution towards venue and refreshment costs

If you are interested in attending, please Contact Alan : alan@emergingkind.org

You may remember Jenny and Alan Tollinton from our blogs over the last year. Here they share their update on how their healing journeys have enabled them to reunite with a joint mission …seems their individual growth has helped them become wise ❤

Our story is one of catalytic change – What a Ride!!!

Since the dawn of #EmergingProud, and back in 2017, and the individual sharing of snippets of our stories, we have experienced and grown so much more, both individually and in all of our relationships.

Stepping up and speaking out now, no longer hiding our light under a bushel. Way- showers, speaking from and in unconditional love, from the heart. Still learning and evolving day by day. Each the other’s teacher, and in more ways than one! Be-fitting then that the very first words to be channelled through our SoulStar Faith, Trust & Believe (FTB) Positivity Cards was “Growing up is not to become old, rather to become WISE.” For in essence these messages were always meant for us too, they seem to tell our story in words and pictures, yet they are messages that the Universe channelled through us for ALL to share, for they mean so much for others too.

Jenny –

I feel like I have to have the patience of a thousand Saints, the strength of an Ox, a core of steel and sheer blind faith that there IS a light shining out there for US. Against ALL odds, trusting and believing, waiting, waiting, oh so patiently waiting, stepping back time after time until they ‘get it’. Then in ‘getting it’, in small spurts and my spirit soars – crash! Another wait, step back again and again. To think that I could influence their thinking and decision making – nothing could be further from the truth. I have my lessons too to learn.

I believe our spiritual journey began in September 2011 when one day Alan sat on a rock above the river in Bolton Abbey and I stood further down gazing into the waterfall. I had to make a lifechanging decision, the biggest of my life – “do I stay?”, “do I go?” I chose to trust in my inherent sense of knowing.

Alan –

All my life I have felt disconnected from the mainstream, often switching into my own world. I just thought; “I have a wire loose and that either me or the world is mad.” Often I would be found daydreaming. Some years ago when I lived in Tenerife I could easily be found sitting in the banana plantation day dreaming. You see I was missing something, but I had no idea what it was.

I first met Jenny over 7 years ago in West Yorkshire. She came into the furniture shop where I worked, immediately I felt a connection beyond a sexual flirtation. On her second visit to check her order, I still felt the connection, and when she left I ran round to the corner of the shop entrance and kissed her on the cheek, strange behaviour, or was it…

Jenny and I married on Christmas eve 2011, and I guess our spiritual journey started there for me. Over time I became, through Jenny’s insight, to discover that I was not weird, but a highly spiritual person, lost in the wilderness.

Riding the waves of the ‘mental health system’ began…

Jenny –

For over 7 years, we have been in a constant ring-a-round in the oh so sadly disjointed system here in the UK. The majority of those who have helped us have been brilliant given that they too are stressed and stretched beyond belief under the constraints of government rule. Feeling let down by services time after time because they simply do not work together as a whole, some even in the same organisation do not connect. A few years ago I wrote a paper, ‘because mental health matters’ pinpointing areas where the system could improve and help others not to have to go through what we have. Services especially seem not to understand that as spirituality is inherent in all of us, it is therefore a vital aspect in everyone’s well-being plan. I feel so strongly that Indigenous, Shamanic practice in modern day medicine is LONG overdue. Likewise all Ancient and Oriental therapies such as Amatsu – when these are mainstream I feel sure we will see very little ‘dis’-ease. This holistic (whole) approach that is natural across these communities is so needed for you cannot leave any aspect out when looking at how to recover and heal. We have to cover each and every vital part of our whole being from the mental, emotional and physical through the spiritual, nutritional, environmental, financial and social to bring about a healing of the whole.

Whilst Alan’s outer persona in crisis presents as every label under the sun we are eternally grateful that no medications have ever been forcefully given. Challenges had to happen to survive and as the only person Alan felt they could trust, I had to continue to be the healing channel and surrogate through countless, probably 100/200 healings to keep them alive until they ‘got it’! Alan too had to keep me on my ongoing journey of learning my lessons in receiving for myself too, and gaining an understanding of the meaning of the ‘madness created chaos’ in his world. Yes of course at times its been scary suffering the backlash yet only until I learnt my lessons in stepping back into my inherent sense of knowing, keeping the faith, trust and belief that they do it, and that they can take responsibility for their own healing journey, and that they will., and that I take responsibility for my own healing journey too.

And whilst I know I signed up for this journey of mine, and ours, I do not believe it was ever meant to be so cruel and harsh and so painfully heart-breaking. So all the while I have had no choice but to keep the Faith, Trust & Believe! Even in those moments of thinking, I’m throwing in the towel, shouting at the Universe, “I ‘can’t do this anymore, this is all just too much!”, I have had to keep going for this is, and never has been just about me, we are all here to learn what LOVE is. LOVE always HEALS fear, no matter what experiences we may encounter.

When we make, and take, the very brave and courageous decision to take responsibility for our own healing we need all the support and encouragement that we can get, working together with services as an integrated whole. Since that first ‘cold’ turkey support I gave to Alan back in September 2011, holed up in a hotel there have been numerous more in hotels and B&B’s across the years. But never did we do a detox reduction together – Until now when we did this with no back up support for either of us at all, for how could services support us when they are 9-5 Mon-Fri, bank holidays/annual leave organisations?

We both knew, and Alan acknowledged we should never have attempted to do a detox reduction together, yet both so desperate to find a way to be back together we tried. Alan has to do the last leg for himself and I will continue to hold him in loving healing space.

Alan –

I remember little if any of all the healings Jenny and I have done together mostly due to being in oblivion, but I do know how much they helped as layer after layer shed away leading me to where I am today. I do ‘get it’ as Jenny says, it just takes me a while to catch up. This I think, in this lifetime, is because of all the insecurities I have carried for so long from all the horrific mind-tortured, systematic institutionalised abuse I was subjected to since a babe in arms in The Highfield Oval National Children’s Home (NCH), Harpenden / approved schools… So very recently I chose at last to take the responsibility for myself, give Jenny a break!

I have had a deep Shamanic healing where I have been a Roman in two lives, four lives as an Indian and or cowboy, five lives as a slave. We carry many burdens in our human form today from past lives. I took this step to try to unravel why I have always been running from me and why I have at times been anti-establishment, and why 9 to 5 was not my gig, why I thought ‘am I crazy’, in as much that I do not fit societies mould – now I have a better understanding as to why.

In 2014 my Angel awakening allowed me to produce over 100 pieces of art work, beginning with “Special Vision” my glimpse into the other worlds. From that day, I felt that I indeed was living in a parallel Universe where mostly children and animals could measure my vibration. My viewing of humans showed me their journeys and I indeed saw the many difficult and weary souls. The Universe allowed me to travel back to a lifetime I’ve never had in my childhood and what all little children may see and think. I discussed with Jenny that we should send a message to the world that a higher plane is not madness and others should understand this. You see, I see many in my daily life who too are disconnected from the mainstream, or who need an emotional or spiritual injection of positivity.

It is good to know I am not mad and that now I have art released through me one hopes that others too can begin to feel connected, through the images and words I bring.

SoulStar Faith, Trust & Believe (FTB) Positivity Cards

Jenny –

After homelessness, debt and the rest we have endured in recent years, with our talents and abilities underrated and underused with most of Alan’s artworks either given away or laying dormant in a cupboard we are looking to achieve the ‘kickstart’ that we need. Others belief in our work will also help in allaying and dispelling any fears. Much mega, emotional releasing has gone on that needs honouring and amazingly these weekly card readings have reflected and validated this to be true for us too.

I believe these cards are our story in words and pictures. Every time I use them I am in awe of the Universal magic behind them and not just for us but for everyone as they resonate so much individually. Incredible to think all created on a tiny laptop as resources blown away on self-sabotage oblivion through feelings of unworthiness.

With only a tester pack and using social media to spread the word, much positive feedback is being received from the network of people that have already shown an interest and we are astounded by the 2.2K post reach of the first ever public posting on Facebook of these Amazingly, Magical Cards! They are indeed being Universally led.

People’s reactions are incredible, we see their faces light up! It makes all the relentless groundwork well worth it. Oh, so love it that what we share gets to help others. Amazing to think too… this has all been done on a tidgy laptop with little or no resources at times, PASSION led, and the Universe provides, WOW!

Alan –

The artwork for the SoulStar cards was a celebration of fun, love and laughter for we often forget to smile. Through Jenny’s words I see the connection between the need to smile, acknowledge and believe in what you see and read. I have no formal training in the subject matter of art nor was this pre-planned. I don’t know how the shapes are formed, I am taken to a Universe beyond my current conscious thinking. It is as if I am being led to leave earth a message for those who are left behind when my human form departs.

I do hope the readers enjoy their own personal journey with these cards. I look back on my darker days and think if I had such a thing to allow me to be more positive then the pain and sadness may well have been reduced. With these cards also, I hope will bring your own personal healing message.

Jenny –

Our main challenge is ‘overwhelm’, making sure there is a steady flow of balance in both our home and work life and of course, keeping the Faith, Trust & Belief! The FTB cards came about when one day over 4 years ago now I suddenly got the words “Growing up is not to become old, rather to become WISE“ and the idea that followed to use this as a mini affirmation card. Well, the Universe in its infinite wisdom had other ideas! And thereby goes our ‘story’.

Alan –

We celebrate our 7^th wedding anniversary this Christmas eve. I personally, with Jenny thank our inherent spiritual selves for allowing us to produce these cards and I know that my love goes to all who feel misunderstood or disconnected, after all, now we are understanding that there is no such thing as a label.

Jenny –

We have moved through eons of time in only 7 years, clearing, cleansing, releasing, healing, and not just for ourselves but for all of our ancestors and humanity. For those who have an understanding I feel you smiling as you see the significance of our 7-year cycle. Over two years now we have been forced to live apart to work through and experience our lessons. By the time we reach our 7^th Wedding anniversary on xmas eve we truly will be back together. For our biggest lessons learnt have been in giving away too much of ourselves to others rather than both receiving out of love, patience and divine timing.

“We are not born to fight – We are born to LOVE” – Jenny & Alan Tollinton

To support Jenny and Alan in kickstarting their SoulStar affirmation cards, go to:

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/soulstarcards/soulstar-positivity-cards?ref=nav_search&result=project&term=soulstar

To follow the SoulStar card journey: https://soulstarcards.com/

https://en-gb.facebook.com/switchperception/

Wishing you both much success and happiness from the #EmergingProud community ❤

We are KindaProud of Joe for allowing himself to ‘feel all the feels’ and work through and communicate his emotions; for speaking up about his experiences to end the stigma of suicide and to encourage others to open up. Being that vulnerable takes a lot of bravery, and Joe is right, it’s the only way we make these kind of experiences an acceptable conversation topic for others. The more of us that speak out, we hope that less people will suffer in silence.

Here’s is why Joe describes himself as a ‘Survivor’ in his own words…

My name is Joe Beal

When asked who I am. Rather than speak based on years of fear and poor self-talk, I choose to say “I am a survivor.”

I SURVIVED a child hood living in a filthy house with not a lot of money, sometimes eating nothing but Mac & Cheese and hot dogs for a week at a time just to get by. My mom was not very good at taking care of the home and family back then, and my dad was very disconnected and did not show affection at all. My parents would fight and argue daily, and it would all get worse around the age of 14 when my dad was involved in a truck accident that left him with a broken neck and unable to work.

I SURVIVED being sexually assaulted on more than one occasion at the age of seven years old by our male babysitter.

I SURVIVED being physically assaulted by a man on my 18^th birthday that put me in the hospital after I bumped the antenna on his car as I walked by with friends.

I SURVIVED being rear- ended by a semitruck while parked in traffic on a freeway.

I SURVIVED the loss of my three-day old daughter and would be divorced from her mom within weeks after her death. All of this left me devastated as all I wanted more than anything was to be a good dad and a good husband.

I SURVIVED a two-year period of destructive behavior following my daughter’s death that included a speeding ticket for 144-mph in a 55-mph, being drunk most almost every night of the week and some days, doing dumb things on a skateboard and motorcycle as I felt I had nothing to lose.

I SURVIVED a skateboard fall that would leave me permanently disabled followed by more than a dozen surgeries to my arms just to get back some use of my hands.

I SURVIVED a second marriage that was very unhealthy for the both of us as well as our three kids and ended in a messy divorce and custody battle.

I SURVIVED a house fire that would destroy my home and the fire report said occupant was less than 30 seconds from not exiting the house.

I SURVIVED an 85-mph head on collision with a drunk driver that left me with no memory before the age of 11, a severe head injury, and more surgeries to my arms causing more issues for my disability.

I SURVIVED what I like to call the church trap where I fully devoted my life to Jesus Christ, worked at the church, went to bible college, and volunteered with youth until I realized the choices being made by my church, my wife at the time, my bible college, and our head pastor in no way lined up with what I was reading about Jesus in the bible.

I SURVIVED being t-boned by two high school girls that blew through a stop sign totaling my truck.

I SURVIVED a mental breakdown following my second divorce that sent me to a facility for a couple of weeks, twice.

I SURVIVED seven years of being a single dad to three beautiful and amazing kids while, doing my absolute best to be a positive role model, and giving them a better upbringing than I had as a child, regardless of our situation. I have always putting their needs before my own.

I SURVIVED the financial mess that my divorce to my kid’s mother left me in and with no choice but to file bankruptcy on all the things that had already been taken from me in our divorce years earlier.

I SURVIVED the loss of my grandmother after three years of helping my mom take care of her as Alzheimer’s and dementia ate away at her mind.

I SURVIVED being ran over by an SUV while snow blowing a driveway by a lady that was not looking in her rearview mirror.

I SURVIVED most recently a double disk replacement surgery in my neck that was caused by degenerated disks that happened because of my disability.

I SURVIVED PTSD, and so many thoughts of SUICIDE over the years that I literally lost count. I had never shared any of my dark thoughts with anyone over the years, until recently after 18 months of going to an amazing counselor and recently loosing yet another friend to suicide.

I decided it was time to be honest with myself and those around me about my struggle with suicide!

After well over a year of going to my counselor it finally clicked for me that my past does not define me, my fears do not define me, the horrendous things I’ve been through do not define me, my hurts do not define me, my disabilities do not define me.

What defines me is the fact that I am a survivor; I am still here, and my recent understanding that life is not out to get me. I am a great father, I’ve raised three loving and hardworking kids, I’m a great husband to my now wife of three years, I’m a great son and friend, I’m an Artist that makes beautiful creations from jewelry to large scale art installation’s that are known worldwide.  I’m a healer that can speak with so many different people, as I’ve most likely walked the path you’re on at one point in my life.

A counselor once told me “You have been through more things than any ten people you could gather off the street and you’re still here and you’re still going, there is a bigger plan for your life young man.”

What keeps me going? What has helped me finally find my way out of that dark place?

Lots of love!

I am working on selfcare, learning to love and take care of myself, learning to breathe, learning who I am, learning and understanding how I work so I can grow and doing it all with so much love and support from my kids, my wife, my mom and dad, and my counselor.

Its honestly quite amazed at how easy some things are and yet how hard other things are regarding my personal journey.

I can say for the first time in my life, the only time suicide crosses my mind is when I’m trying to think of ways to speak up and end the stigma around suicide that kept me from asking for or seeking help so many times in my life.

Don’t get me wrong there are still days that are very hard, days that I have doubt’s, days I fall back into old thought patterns, and even panic attacks that can last for days. The difference is I’m learning to be in the moment and feel all the feels while trying to work through and communicate why I’m feeling these things rather than let my fears take control.

I am for the first time in my 43 years in place where I can see the beauty that life has to offer while still honoring the struggles, and trials I’ve been through in life that have made me who I am today.

Joe

“The Dream Swing”, Joe’s incredible art installation from Burning Man 2014 in the Nevada desert 

(Credit to photographer Trey Ratcliff for this amazing picture)

          Here is an example of Joe’s jewelry and one of his fossil sculptures

To find out more about Joe’s artwork go to;

www.nostalgicmetal.com

Does Joe’s story resonate with your own experience?

Would you like to share your story to give HOPE to others? Here’s how you can contact our KindaProud Reps…

 For Kelly’s KindaProud book:  #EmergingProud through Suicide

Please email Kelly at: kelly@positivityprincess.com

Thank you to Joe and all who share a story in order to give HOPE to those struggling ❤

It took Fran from Australia finding Peers to accept her for her authentic Self to enable her to be brave enough to love herSelf for who she truly is…and lots of coffee!

We love Fran’s inspiring story, and we hope that you find some inspiration in it to be KindaProud of yourSelf too…. ❤

My journey as a transgender woman really began at age 15 when I realised that my adult sexual identity did not match my body or the social identity I had grown up with. I grew up in a tiny very conservative rural community, bitterly divided by racial trauma and the history of colonisation. I experienced bullying, domestic violence and neglect as a child. I was very anxious growing up. I would escape into fantasy and imagination. I didn’t feel secure or loved for being myself.

My first instinct was to hide. I couldn’t tell anyone. I struggled with my feelings and identity alone. I had internalised so much stigma and blame and fear from those around me that I could not accept or care for myself. I split into two people as the only way I could handle having different feelings and identities that could not be reconciled. I had an internal identity and an external identity, they were distinct, they had different genders.

Gender and sexuality come from within, and are far more diverse and complex than traditionally understood. When social judgement and expectations conflict with the call to authenticity the result is suffering.

I lived this way for 20 years, experiencing bouts of sadness and lethargy, losing jobs, drifting from place to place. I didn’t seek help. I didn’t understand why I felt unhappy most of the time. I felt stuck, blocked, unable to make authentic relationships, unable to be an adult, or a real person at all, like I didn’t exist.

I was unhappy with my body. I hated to look at myself in the mirror. It wasn’t how I thought of myself, inside. I had terrible acne which didn’t help at all. I got very overweight. I felt shame and loathing. I lived online, creating female identities and roleplaying. I got very addicted to a virtual existence which gave me things I didn’t think I could have in real life. Things drifted out of control.

Eventually I was diagnosed with depression.  I couldn’t work. I was tired all of the time. I started medication but nothing seemed to help. I started the long process of coming out. My family were not very accepting. I felt I had to move interstate to a place I could get help and be myself. It was disastrous, cutting myself off from everyone I knew. I got very unwell.

Gender transition was very, very hard. I experienced housing and employment discrimination, street harassment, social anxiety and paranoia. All at a time when I was at my lowest ebb, when my mental, emotional, social and financial resources were stretched beyond the breaking point.

Medical supports were not very helpful. The gender clinic psychiatrist said my mental distress was something other transwomen did not have, and it meant I was not suitable for gender reassignment. My peers advised me to lie. I refused. Saying that I didn’t want gender reassignment was the only way I could take back control of my own life and identity. Saying it made it true. For a long while. I got very angry.

My LGBT specific GP was very good. He was my only real medical support for a long time and never stopped trying to help me. But his office was a long away across town. I was too frightened and tired to risk going to a doctor who didn’t understand being trans – it’s not something you want to explain every time you visit a clinic with a cold. There were many times when I was too sick to get to my doctor. Living alone without any support is very hard.

I trace my recovery journey from discovering peer support groups. Peer support was there for me when I couldn’t afford professional help, when the volunteer counsellor said she didn’t understand what words meant when I used them. In peer support I felt that I’d found my crowd, we were all crazy but I was no crazier than anyone else.

Around this time I was diagnosed with type II diabetes. I went on medication, I tested my blood sugar daily. It was a struggle to take care of myself, sometimes I failed and things got out of control. Balancing physical illness and medication while struggling with depression on my own was very difficult.

Eventually I began volunteering and facilitating support group. I got a job answering the phones at the support group charity head office. One day I noticed I was no longer the most unwell person in the room. I was surprised.

I had been to a psychiatrist and been given a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. I rejected it angrily, I was convinced it prevent me from ever getting  gender reassignment. I refused to go back… but I felt ambivalent about my rejection. What if he was right? It seemed like a way forward. Eventually I went back.

I started working on mindfulness. Being aware of what I was thinking and feeling. Putting a mindful pause between what happened to me and my reaction to it. Being able to observe myself, my thoughts and feeling. I began working on self care, my physical, financial and emotional needs.

I fought back with exercise and diet. I got my blood sugar under control and went off the diabetes medication. The psych meds weren’t helping me any more and I had been too mentally disorganised to take them regularly, which was disastrous for my mood and functioning. I slowly weaned off them. A key point came when my psychiatrist said that my distress was not caused by a chemical imbalance in my head.

This rocked me back on my heels some. If my problem wasn’t bio-chemical in nature then why was I taking the pills at all? With support from my psychiatrist and mental health nurse, and using coping skills and breathing techniques, and exercise and sleep hygiene I slowly weaned off the remaining pills. The only medications I use now are hormones and the occasional use of sleeping medication. Good sleep is important. I don’t reject medication. I think my mental health nurse said it best: you do whatever it takes to help you stay sane.

I call mine a coffee led recovery. When I was unwell and unemployed one of the hardest things was not being able to afford a cup of coffee. Being able to sit down, warm your hands, drink a cup of tea or coffee and relax and reflect on your day is refreshing and energising. It’s especially important when you’re feeling tired and unwell, and when you’re a long way from home and travelling by foot or public transport. Have you noticed how few warm places there are to sit down in our modern world if you have no money? I recommend public libraries.

These days I send out texts to all my friends on the weekend offering to meet for coffee. Someone always wants to! I’ll always offer to pay and let them get the next one. I don’t care when the next one is, I’m not counting. I try to live by my values and my values are friendship and coffee. It’s no surprise that I’m a well known regular at my favourite cafes.

People often talk about saving in terms of giving up the cup of coffee. I look at it differently. Small pleasures make life happier, and when you’re happy you’re less likely to impulse spend or make mistakes. Coffee is one of the last things I’d give up to save money.

I had always loved to draw since I was a small child. Growing up I learned to draw people and I became obsessed with drawing portraits. Through university and work I got through lectures and meetings drawing people, sketching and doodling. When I was unwell my drawing ebbed away to almost nothing. I saw a poster for a life drawing class in a local shop and went along. I found another community I could belong to, a new identity as an artist. I made new friends, a new identity.

Drawing nudes, both male and female, was a revelation of the beauty and honesty of the human form. I felt connected to something. Life models are wonderful, beautiful people. It is a privilege to draw them.. I began to wonder if I could model one day. What would people see if they drew my body? Would my body ever reflect who I am inside? Could I overcome my fear of being seen, or being intimate in that way?

I became a peer support worker. I trained, I began working with people in crisis. I began to learn more about mental health , about what it takes to become well. I started to look at my own life and wonder if I dared to admit what I wanted, if I dared to become well, if I dared to become whole. I was challenged by changing attitudes. If my friends could accept me, if my community could accept me, why couldn’t I learn to accept myself?

Gender dysphoria – the unhappiness of having an inner identity different to my outward gender made me feel blocked from many things. I felt frightened and incapable of intimacy or relationships. A friend asked me to go to an LGBT partner slow dance, I was frightened, but I wanted to. I had started to realise that acceptance comes from within – it’s about my heart, not about my body. I love dancing, being held, communicating through touch, feeling cared for. I wanted more.

I had some money, I saved more. I gave up having a car. I was disciplined. I knew what I wanted and I was prepared to be honest with myself. I had gender reassignment surgery last year. It was much physically harder than I expected, weeks of pain, weakness and recovery. I’d always been a robust basically health resilient person, I thought I would recover quickly. Instead I endured. Anxiety made it worse, and made the pain harder to bear. I survived.

I feel more at home with my body. It’s not perfect but I have no regrets. I did a life modelling workshop and learned the skills of being a model. I have modelled for my own community life drawing group, my own friends. I have seen the art people make from looking at my nude body. It helps me to feel good about myself. Being accepted by others helps me to accept myself. Having friends helps me be compassionate to myself. As illustrations of this story I have included some drawings of me by a friend in the my life drawing group.

This year I have become obsessed with dancing. I have found joy in moving to rhythm and music. I’ve found connection and intimacy – romance – in dancing with a partner. I love to dance Lindy Hop and Charleston to swung jazz music. I learned to dance both roles, lead and follow. Dancing is so emotional, so blissful, so frustrating, so frightening. I love to be held. I love the way my body moves. I love the way my body feels. I love to dance. Something has unlocked.

I remember when I was very young that I wanted to dance. I wanted to be a ballerina. Dancing is coming home. I dream about dancing sometimes. I love to dance. Through dancing, drawing and modelling I have found myself.

I think over the last 12 months I’ve tended to identify as practically asexual, more interested in romance and physical closeness than sex. That may change as time passes, or it may not. In one sense I’m nearly 50 years old, in another a little over 1. In a sense I think I’ve been about 15 for a long time. What I have mostly works well for now. Your horizon shrinks when you are in pain and distress, my horizon is now pushing out a little. I’m trying to learn to relax about it all.

Last year I participated in a scientific study that found some genetic influences on transgender identity in transwomen. The week I started to write this I was running all over town being interviewed by newspapers and TV being interviewed about what it feels like to be transgender and what this discovery means for people. I hope perhaps understanding of possible biological causes will lead to greater acceptance, particularly from family. Rejection by family is one of the most painful aspects of LGBT experience.

Greater acceptance is already happening. Last year here in Australia the community spoke decisively in favour of equal marriage. This year people are saying children and teachers deserve protection from discrimination on the basis of gender and sexuality at school. A key milestone in my experience was being challenged by greater community acceptance to start to find a way to accept myself. Your acceptance, your compassion matters – especially to those in your own family and community.

I hope that my story helps you to find yourself, to accept yourself, to learn how to care for yourself, to find your way home. Never give up hope.

Fran as her beautiful, natural Self, drawn by her friend Leonie ❤

Does Fran’s story resonate with you? Would you like to share your personal journey to provide HOPE to others who might be struggling? To appear on the blog and in the KindaProud pocket book of hope: 

#EmergingProud through disordered eating, body image and low self-esteem

Please contact Amy at: info@soul-shine.org.uk

Katherine Baldwin- Thomson is Kinda Proud of what she’s achieved due to her personal healing journey, and we are Kinda Proud of her for sharing her story with us! Here Katherine tells us how she went from using alcohol to numb her pain, to helping others to find the light at the end of their dark tunnel…

My name is Katherine and I am 44 years of age. Looking back at myself as a child, I was very sensitive and quiet. I was spiritual and creative from a young age and liked to be in my own world – not much has changed there. Like many other people my childhood was varied with a mixture of experiences. I had some great times being raised by my loving parents, but I also had some deep traumatic experiences. We were poor and my parents often needed to work two jobs, so I had very little choice but to stay with my grandparents who were mentally ill.

When you are a young child and you have been physically and mentally abused it does leave scares and pain that can manifest later in life. Pain that we attempt to cover up in order to cope.

I didn’t have a good relationship with my grandparents to say the least. I will never forget the smell of falling asleep on musty shag carpet under my nan’s king size bed to avoid being beaten by her with a wooden broom handle. However, throughout my life I have always known that I was not what was happening to me, but rather part of something greater – as we all are.

To cope with some of the trauma from my early life of staying with my grandparents, I started drinking when I was 14 years of age. It was the only way that I felt I could numb my pain at the time. Then, the years went by and I had been drunk and passed out more times than I care to remember.

When I turned twenty I decided that it was time to get my life in order and had the opportunity to open my own shop. The shop was called the Purple Angel and the business was a dream come true for me as I loved working for myself. The business did very well and I was really finding my feet. For the third year in a row we were making a profit and I was so happy that I was finally doing what I wanted.

Then one day, my mum who is a huge inspiration to me and a loving support in my life, told me she had a brain tumour and that the doctors were unsure if she would survive the surgery. My dad ran a supermarket and had to support my mum. We lived in the country and did not have the option for home nursing and the level of care my mum would need. She required round the clock medication and needed help feeding, bathing and dressing. I decided the right thing to do was to close my business and look after my mum day and night, a decision I would never regret. This was a task of many highs and lows and there was an immense amount of pressure placed on me at the age of 23.

A year and a half later my mum had recovered well enough to not need my care anymore.  I then needed to find work and moved to Melbourne as there were more work opportunities than in the country. I took the 1^st job that I had an interview for and started working at a supermarket.  My boyfriend and I upsized our home and we were now living in a large house with our dog Wilbur and our cat Chocolate. To many this would have been the ideal stepping stone, however I started to feel overwhelmed and under pressure. I was dealing with the emotional struggle of losing my business, seeing my mum sick for so long, and the heart ache that came with all of that.

I was constantly worried that my mum would need me and being so far away from her kept me in a state of constant stress. I remember it all getting too much for me. I was starting to feel deeply depressed with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I felt like I was trapped and that no one would understand how I was feeling. During that time all my childhood trauma and abuse surfaced and I started drinking again. I was in overwhelm and feared that I had nowhere to turn.

One particular day, I recall my thoughts racing through my head, my heart pounding and my breath being short and shallow. It was at this point that I started to think that maybe everyone would be better off if I wasn’t there.  I would be better, all the pain would cease and all the pressure in my head would finally stop! There would be silence and I would be free.

The idea of silence and no pain felt so good. So I got up off the ground and went to the kitchen and got the sharpest knife and a towel. I placed the knife on my wrist and began to push the blade into the veins. Just at that time my partner unlocked the front door and ran over to me when he heard me sobbing and saw what I was doing. He shouted what are you doing!? I dropped the knife and broke down. It was at that moment I was so grateful he had come home and stopped me. It was also at that point that I knew I didn’t want to kill myself. I just wanted the pain, fear and overwhelm to go away. I just wanted to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I needed to feel that I wasn’t alone and that everything was going to be okay. I wanted to be held and understood.

I went to see someone about how I was feeling. In just four sessions of talking about how I felt and being given simple coping tools, I was back on my feet and feeling like I could cope again. I just needed to start healing the hurt I had gone through as a child and a teenager. I knew that in healing myself and learning to be kind to myself and forgiving myself, I would be in a better position to forgive and let go of those who had hurt me in the past. I also had a sense that it would give me insight and the skills to help other people to do the same.

That is why it makes me very proud to say that at the age of 44 I have been a healer and counsellor for over 20 years and I have been a Vortex Subconscious specialist for over 13 years now. What this means, is that I help people remove old subconscious beliefs and blocks that are held within their subconscious patterning. I specialise in helping children overcome trauma and help women to get back on their feet after difficult times. I help people live their best life possible.

I started doing this work because of my own journey and wanted people to know that they had somewhere to turn when they were down. My desire was to help people come out of stress and overwhelm just like I did and begin to thrive again.

When you really think about it, this word “suicide” is not something to be feared, rather one that we could understand more deeply. When we understand that the person is feeling lost, overwhelmed and like they have nowhere to turn, we also understand that all they are really reaching for is a life line of love – a helping hand to let them know that everything is going to be alright.

Katherine’s Bio:

C.E.O and Founder of Angel Soul Healing. Channel and Healer of The Vortex Subconscious Healing Modality. Owner and Manager of The Angel Soul Healing School and Center.

Katherine is an Advanced Master in The Vortex Subconscious Sound Healing, Subconscious Specialist, Reiki Master, Shaman Master, Advanced Multi-Dimensional Soul healer, Pallowah Practitioner, Trance Channel Master and Doreen Virtue Realm worker. Katherine purely channels with Jesus, Kuan Yin, The Archangels of the universe, Uluru, pure source and so many more.

Katherine Channelled her own healing Modality, The Vortex Subconscious Sound Healing. Katherine is the Inventor of the I AM Happy Stick. The artist and producer of the I AM, Empowerment Oracle Card Deck for women, kids and men. Katherine has been a public speaker and performer of almost 13 years.

Katherine has dedicated her entire adult life to help her clients rebuild their lives. ❤

Does Katherine’s story resonate with your own experience?

Would you like to share your story to give HOPE to others? 

To share your story in our Rep Kelly’s KindaProud book:  #EmergingProud through Suicide

Please email Kelly at: kelly@positivityprincess.com

Andy used to live a life of hiding his true feelings; this only spiralled him further into depression and unable to experience real joy in his life.

Now a self- confessed ‘lover-of-life’, Andy uses his life experience to inspire others, including founding; Real Men Feel, a movement encouraging men to accept and express all of their emotions. Andy knows from experience that the strongest thing we can do is admit when we need help; this was the turning point in his inspiring personal story…..

Life sucks, then you die.

That was my worldview for a long time. When I was 17, I had a pin in my car with that saying on it, in case I needed a reminder.

I didn’t need a reminder. I was sure that the world wasn’t a safe place. I was confident that I was broken beyond any hope of repair, and that life sucked no matter what I did from a very young age.

My parents were full-time college students when they had me. They got married and tried their best, but they divorced when I was five-years-old. We moved around often in those early years. I was an only child, heavy and shy. Around the same time my dad left our home, a neighbor began molesting me. I knew it was wrong but was afraid if I told anyone, I’d be kicked out of my home too. I stayed quiet and grew even quieter in life.

On the first day of school for the 3rd grade I was sitting on the bus next to one of my few close friends, and I started crying. I had no idea why. I couldn’t explain it, I felt sad and scared, even though this was the same school I’d been at for the last two years. This was the moment I recall deciding that I was different. I was broken. I felt things other people didn’t, and it was wrong.

For years I hid my depression and suicidal thoughts. I knew I wouldn’t live long. Other people would talk about what they wanted to be when they grew up, I had no interest in growing. My dad often said, high school is the best years of your life, so I decided it would be foolish to bother living beyond them.

Sometimes I couldn’t even wait that long. My first attempt to end my life came when I was 13, and 15, 16, 17, 18…. you get the picture.

It took me multiple “failed” suicide attempts before I allowed myself to ponder that maybe, just maybe, there is a better way. I obviously wasn’t good at ending my life so there must be a better way to navigate my life. Things began to change when I allowed for the possibility that just maybe I was supposed to be here.

I was 23 the last time I was in a mental hospital. It was the first time I put myself into a hospital and I did so before making any suicide attempt. I felt like such a grown-up. I’d finally realized I could ask for and receive help without resorting to self-harm. I didn’t need to try and end my life as my only means to change it.

Each decade of my life has been better than the prior one. Suicidal thoughts still showed up, and perhaps always will when I’m under emotional stress, but attempts ended and actions and plans have been rarer each decade too.

Today, I love life and even more surprising is that I know life loves me. In my thirties, I embraced personal growth and creating a positive mindset. Some people I meet think I’m so happy, they don’t believe it when I tell them about my suicidal background. I began sharing my story so people could know that depression and suicidal thoughts don’t have to last your entire life.  Everything can be healed, but only once we are willing to be healed. We need to be open to asking for and receiving help and support.

Life doesn’t suck. I find that life gets better and better. When I was a kid, the only place I heard anyone talk about suicide was in a mental hospital. I’m out to change that.

The reason I’m here is to enjoy life and to remind people they can enjoy it too. Life can be heaven or hell, the power is in our choices. Choose wisely, my friend.

Does Andy’s story resonate with your own experience?

Would you like to share your story to give HOPE to others? Here’s how you can contact our KindaProud Reps…

 For Kelly’s KindaProud book:  #EmergingProud through Suicide

Please email Kelly at: kelly@positivityprincess.com

Andy’s BIO:

Andy Grant is a best-selling author, award-winning speaker, Transformational Energy Coach, Akashic Records Reader, and Life Activation Practitioner.

He is also the founder of Real Men Feel, a movement encouraging men to accept and express all of their emotions. Andy has been producing and hosting the Real Men Feel podcast since February 2016.

As a survivor of multiple suicide attempts, Andy knows how low we as human beings can feel, and he is committed to helping people realize how magnificent life is meant to be. His Amazon best-seller, Still Here: How to Succeed in Life After Failing at Suicide, is a book that has helped people around the globe, and includes everything he wished he knew at a younger age. Andy is also a lead editor and contributor at the Good Men Project; GoodMenProject.com.

Learn more at TheAndyGrant.com.

Connect with Andy on Facebook: facebook.com/AndyGrantLoveYourLife/

Twitter: @navitascoaching

@realmenfeelorg

Instagram: @andy_grant

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/andrewfgrant/

John from New South Wales in Australia discovered his passion for Mindfulness through his life journey through childhood trauma and a near death experience which catalysed a spiritual awakening. John now choses to use mindfulness rather than medication to balance his ‘energetic inspired periods’, and has made this his life work. All pretty inspiring! Here’s John’s story…

I was born in 1952 and experienced physical and mental abuse as a child. By the age of twelve, I was also sexually abused by a neighbour. By age fourteen, I was wagging school and out of control. By age sixteen, I was homeless, living on the streets and in trouble with the law. I spent time in youth detention and, with the help of an excellent mentor, was able to get my life on track. At age twenty-one, I got married and started a family, life was good.

At age thirty, and on my Dad’s 65th birthday in 1982, I died and was revived after a horrific truck accident. I believed that there was a reason why I was alive and started a quest to get answers. Despite extensive study into ancient history, cultures and religions, all I got was mental and addiction disorders.
My life fell apart, not so much because of substantial physical injuries, but because of the fifteen years of mental suffering that followed. My mind was like a drunken monkey, very busy and all over the place! I experienced psychosis later that year and spent time in a mental health unit. I was diagnosed with mental ‘illness’ and prescribed medications. I had similar episodes in 1984, 1987 and 1992; the only thing that stopped me from suiciding was a tiny whisper that kept saying ‘There’s a reason… you’ll get through this!’
By 1997, I was rock bottom. Mental health professionals told me that I would never be cured, that I would have to take medication for the rest of my life and that I would never work again. I was ashamed that I had mental ‘illness’ and refused to talk about it or get help from outside the ‘system’. It was my dark secret. That was when I got my ‘miracle’. An old friend, who I hadn’t seen since before my accident, knocked on my door and told me his story. Two days later, I experienced a Spiritual Awakening and my life slowly started to change. No more depression and no more medications!
I now call that chapter of my life, my fifteen ‘dark’ years. It was a roller coaster of feelings, emotions and experiences. I value my ‘dark’ years now because I overcame many fears and learned heaps of life lessons. My quest for knowledge and answers continued. I now know the truth about what happened to me. In 82, 84, 87 & 1992, I experienced what is known as Spiritual Crisis or Emergency. I had no way of knowing what was really going on until my old friend shared his story. It was that story that led to my Spiritual Emergence in 1997. I got my life back and have never looked back, except to see how far I’ve come.
I also now know that bipolar is a gift. It’s not a gift that you would wish on anyone, that’s for sure! But when you wake up to what’s really going on, it is life changing. I have had times of ‘mania’ in 97, 03, 09, 13 and 2018. These are simply times when I am totally inspired. I require no medication because I am in control of my mind rather than my mind controlling me. Today, thanks to a fully developed mindful practice, I live with both peace of mind and clarity of mind.

“Never lose hope my friends, there was a time when hope was all that kept me alive.” Be well and remember… You are Not your thoughts!
Mindfully Yours with Love, Joy & Peace Always! – John Shearer

Check out John’s work here:   http://mindfullymad.org

Our Vision Is World Mental Health Without Medication

Does John’s story resonate with your own experience? 

Would you like to share your story for Mandy’s KindaProud book, #EmergingProud through Trauma and Abuse? 

Please contact Mandy to find out how by contacting her at: ambrieleve@gmail.com

Or if you relate to having had an NDE (near death experience) or spiritual emergence, you might like to share your story for Nicole’s pocket book of hope: 

#Emerging Proud through NOTES – contact us here to find out how! ❤