You may remember Jenny and Alan Tollinton from our blogs over the last year. Here they share their update on how their healing journeys have enabled them to reunite with a joint mission …seems their individual growth has helped them become wise ❤
Our story is one of catalytic change – What a Ride!!!
Since the dawn of #EmergingProud, and back in 2017, and the individual sharing of snippets of our stories, we have experienced and grown so much more, both individually and in all of our relationships.
Stepping up and speaking out now, no longer hiding our light under a bushel. Way- showers, speaking from and in unconditional love, from the heart. Still learning and evolving day by day. Each the other’s teacher, and in more ways than one! Be-fitting then that the very first words to be channelled through our SoulStar Faith, Trust & Believe (FTB) Positivity Cards was “Growing up is not to become old, rather to become WISE.” For in essence these messages were always meant for us too, they seem to tell our story in words and pictures, yet they are messages that the Universe channelled through us for ALL to share, for they mean so much for others too.
I feel like I have to have the patience of a thousand Saints, the strength of an Ox, a core of steel and sheer blind faith that there IS a light shining out there for US. Against ALL odds, trusting and believing, waiting, waiting, oh so patiently waiting, stepping back time after time until they ‘get it’. Then in ‘getting it’, in small spurts and my spirit soars – crash! Another wait, step back again and again. To think that I could influence their thinking and decision making – nothing could be further from the truth. I have my lessons too to learn.
I believe our spiritual journey began in September 2011 when one day Alan sat on a rock above the river in Bolton Abbey and I stood further down gazing into the waterfall. I had to make a lifechanging decision, the biggest of my life – “do I stay?”, “do I go?” I chose to trust in my inherent sense of knowing.
All my life I have felt disconnected from the mainstream, often switching into my own world. I just thought; “I have a wire loose and that either me or the world is mad.” Often I would be found daydreaming. Some years ago when I lived in Tenerife I could easily be found sitting in the banana plantation day dreaming. You see I was missing something, but I had no idea what it was.
I first met Jenny over 7 years ago in West Yorkshire. She came into the furniture shop where I worked, immediately I felt a connection beyond a sexual flirtation. On her second visit to check her order, I still felt the connection, and when she left I ran round to the corner of the shop entrance and kissed her on the cheek, strange behaviour, or was it…
Jenny and I married on Christmas eve 2011, and I guess our spiritual journey started there for me. Over time I became, through Jenny’s insight, to discover that I was not weird, but a highly spiritual person, lost in the wilderness.
Riding the waves of the ‘mental health system’ began…
For over 7 years, we have been in a constant ring-a-round in the oh so sadly disjointed system here in the UK. The majority of those who have helped us have been brilliant given that they too are stressed and stretched beyond belief under the constraints of government rule. Feeling let down by services time after time because they simply do not work together as a whole, some even in the same organisation do not connect. A few years ago I wrote a paper, ‘because mental health matters’ pinpointing areas where the system could improve and help others not to have to go through what we have. Services especially seem not to understand that as spirituality is inherent in all of us, it is therefore a vital aspect in everyone’s well-being plan. I feel so strongly that Indigenous, Shamanic practice in modern day medicine is LONG overdue. Likewise all Ancient and Oriental therapies such as Amatsu – when these are mainstream I feel sure we will see very little ‘dis’-ease. This holistic (whole) approach that is natural across these communities is so needed for you cannot leave any aspect out when looking at how to recover and heal. We have to cover each and every vital part of our whole being from the mental, emotional and physical through the spiritual, nutritional, environmental, financial and social to bring about a healing of the whole.
Whilst Alan’s outer persona in crisis presents as every label under the sun we are eternally grateful that no medications have ever been forcefully given. Challenges had to happen to survive and as the only person Alan felt they could trust, I had to continue to be the healing channel and surrogate through countless, probably 100/200 healings to keep them alive until they ‘got it’! Alan too had to keep me on my ongoing journey of learning my lessons in receiving for myself too, and gaining an understanding of the meaning of the ‘madness created chaos’ in his world. Yes of course at times its been scary suffering the backlash yet only until I learnt my lessons in stepping back into my inherent sense of knowing, keeping the faith, trust and belief that they do it, and that they can take responsibility for their own healing journey, and that they will., and that I take responsibility for my own healing journey too.
And whilst I know I signed up for this journey of mine, and ours, I do not believe it was ever meant to be so cruel and harsh and so painfully heart-breaking. So all the while I have had no choice but to keep the Faith, Trust & Believe! Even in those moments of thinking, I’m throwing in the towel, shouting at the Universe, “I ‘can’t do this anymore, this is all just too much!”, I have had to keep going for this is, and never has been just about me, we are all here to learn what LOVE is. LOVE always HEALS fear, no matter what experiences we may encounter.
When we make, and take, the very brave and courageous decision to take responsibility for our own healing we need all the support and encouragement that we can get, working together with services as an integrated whole. Since that first ‘cold’ turkey support I gave to Alan back in September 2011, holed up in a hotel there have been numerous more in hotels and B&B’s across the years. But never did we do a detox reduction together – Until now when we did this with no back up support for either of us at all, for how could services support us when they are 9-5 Mon-Fri, bank holidays/annual leave organisations?
We both knew, and Alan acknowledged we should never have attempted to do a detox reduction together, yet both so desperate to find a way to be back together we tried. Alan has to do the last leg for himself and I will continue to hold him in loving healing space.
I remember little if any of all the healings Jenny and I have done together mostly due to being in oblivion, but I do know how much they helped as layer after layer shed away leading me to where I am today. I do ‘get it’ as Jenny says, it just takes me a while to catch up. This I think, in this lifetime, is because of all the insecurities I have carried for so long from all the horrific mind-tortured, systematic institutionalised abuse I was subjected to since a babe in arms in The Highfield Oval National Children’s Home (NCH), Harpenden / approved schools… So very recently I chose at last to take the responsibility for myself, give Jenny a break!
I have had a deep Shamanic healing where I have been a Roman in two lives, four lives as an Indian and or cowboy, five lives as a slave. We carry many burdens in our human form today from past lives. I took this step to try to unravel why I have always been running from me and why I have at times been anti-establishment, and why 9 to 5 was not my gig, why I thought ‘am I crazy’, in as much that I do not fit societies mould – now I have a better understanding as to why.
In 2014 my Angel awakening allowed me to produce over 100 pieces of art work, beginning with “Special Vision” my glimpse into the other worlds. From that day, I felt that I indeed was living in a parallel Universe where mostly children and animals could measure my vibration. My viewing of humans showed me their journeys and I indeed saw the many difficult and weary souls. The Universe allowed me to travel back to a lifetime I’ve never had in my childhood and what all little children may see and think. I discussed with Jenny that we should send a message to the world that a higher plane is not madness and others should understand this. You see, I see many in my daily life who too are disconnected from the mainstream, or who need an emotional or spiritual injection of positivity.
It is good to know I am not mad and that now I have art released through me one hopes that others too can begin to feel connected, through the images and words I bring.
SoulStar Faith, Trust & Believe (FTB) Positivity Cards
After homelessness, debt and the rest we have endured in recent years, with our talents and abilities underrated and underused with most of Alan’s artworks either given away or laying dormant in a cupboard we are looking to achieve the ‘kickstart’ that we need. Others belief in our work will also help in allaying and dispelling any fears. Much mega, emotional releasing has gone on that needs honouring and amazingly these weekly card readings have reflected and validated this to be true for us too.
I believe these cards are our story in words and pictures. Every time I use them I am in awe of the Universal magic behind them and not just for us but for everyone as they resonate so much individually. Incredible to think all created on a tiny laptop as resources blown away on self-sabotage oblivion through feelings of unworthiness.
With only a tester pack and using social media to spread the word, much positive feedback is being received from the network of people that have already shown an interest and we are astounded by the 2.2K post reach of the first ever public posting on Facebook of these Amazingly, Magical Cards! They are indeed being Universally led.
People’s reactions are incredible, we see their faces light up! It makes all the relentless groundwork well worth it. Oh, so love it that what we share gets to help others. Amazing to think too… this has all been done on a tidgy laptop with little or no resources at times, PASSION led, and the Universe provides, WOW!
The artwork for the SoulStar cards was a celebration of fun, love and laughter for we often forget to smile. Through Jenny’s words I see the connection between the need to smile, acknowledge and believe in what you see and read. I have no formal training in the subject matter of art nor was this pre-planned. I don’t know how the shapes are formed, I am taken to a Universe beyond my current conscious thinking. It is as if I am being led to leave earth a message for those who are left behind when my human form departs.
I do hope the readers enjoy their own personal journey with these cards. I look back on my darker days and think if I had such a thing to allow me to be more positive then the pain and sadness may well have been reduced. With these cards also, I hope will bring your own personal healing message.
Our main challenge is ‘overwhelm’, making sure there is a steady flow of balance in both our home and work life and of course, keeping the Faith, Trust & Belief! The FTB cards came about when one day over 4 years ago now I suddenly got the words “Growing up is not to become old, rather to become WISE“ and the idea that followed to use this as a mini affirmation card. Well, the Universe in its infinite wisdom had other ideas! And thereby goes our ‘story’.
We celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary this Christmas eve. I personally, with Jenny thank our inherent spiritual selves for allowing us to produce these cards and I know that my love goes to all who feel misunderstood or disconnected, after all, now we are understanding that there is no such thing as a label.
We have moved through eons of time in only 7 years, clearing, cleansing, releasing, healing, and not just for ourselves but for all of our ancestors and humanity. For those who have an understanding I feel you smiling as you see the significance of our 7-year cycle. Over two years now we have been forced to live apart to work through and experience our lessons. By the time we reach our 7th Wedding anniversary on xmas eve we truly will be back together. For our biggest lessons learnt have been in giving away too much of ourselves to others rather than both receiving out of love, patience and divine timing.
“We are not born to fight – We are born to LOVE” – Jenny & Alan Tollinton
To support Jenny and Alan in kickstarting their SoulStar affirmation cards, go to:
To follow the SoulStar card journey: https://soulstarcards.com/
Wishing you both much success and happiness from the #EmergingProud community ❤