Remember our lovely #Emerging Proud through Suicide KindaProud pocket book Rep Kelly?
Kelly felt called to update her blog after a recent challenging period found her having dark thoughts yet again. As Kelly says, healing trauma is an ongoing process, and the more this can be spoken about and normalised hopefully more lives can be saved.
Not everyone will relate to Kelly’s near death experience, but for those that do, Kelly’s is a brave and profound story well worth sharing…
Ending the taboo of Suicide
Suicide, a subject often misunderstood, rarely openly talked about and in many cases the cause of much pain, shame, guilt, blame and ultimately deep-rooted fear. Fear of what others may think, fear of a dark guilty secret getting out, fear of the world knowing you or someone close to you tried or actually did end their physical life through suicide.
But, and this is a BIG but; It doesn’t have to be this way. Suicide in my case was not the end, and for various reasons was just the beginning. The beginning of an incredible healing journey that continues to this day and the acknowledgement and understanding that unconditional love holds no bounds.
I write from my heart and soul, as a survivor of my own suicide attempt and as a loving daughter whose dear father transitioned home to spirit via hanging 6 years later.
Today I stand tall and proud that I not only survived suicide but also thrived. Thrived in the midst of adversity, thrived in the midst of deep pain and anguish, and thrived during the days and nights when the world seemed so dark, un-loving and lonely.
My suicide attempt
Like a lot of people I have suppressed trauma to heal. In 2009 I took a huge overdose and tried to end my physical life. In hospital I had a profound spiritual experience, travelled through 7 dimensions, experienced the ‘oneness’ of the universe and the unconditional healing power of Divine Love, and was told by Divinity that it wasn’t my time. The message I was given during this NDE (near-death experience) is that love will heal and transform the world. I came round from my experience with my arms across my chest and opened them in slow motion and proclaimed that I had met God and angels. The following evening I received a vision and shouted out 9 poignant words:
‘Like-minded souls will collaborate to change the world!’
These powerful words have never left me and deep in my heart and soul I knew one day I would be sharing my experience, in collaboration with others, to the wider world. I now feel I am acting on my soul’s purpose but it hasn’t always been that way. Like a lot of people who have had profound spiritual experiences I didn’t initially feel mentally strong enough to talk openly about what had happened to me through fear of rejection or potential ridicule. I tried desperately to forget what had happened and focus on rebuilding my life.
A number of years later I realised that trying to suppress what had happened to me was no longer an option. It had happened, it was part of my soul’s journey and I had to deal with the emotional rollercoaster connected to my experience in the best way I could. My life was never going to be the same again. My primary focus was to try and integrate my experience into my daily life, whilst exploring ways of sharing the love, wisdom and knowledge I gained during my brief visit to the ‘other side’. Little did I know that my experience, and the understanding it gave me, would prepare me for one of the most painful experiences I was going to endure in my earthly life; the transition of my father, David Walsh, by suicide in September 2015.
The pain I felt when we received the telephone call to say he had hung himself is indescribable. However, I truly believe that what I learned during my experience, and the subsequent spiritual and healing path I have been on since, has helped me to cope with this tragedy in a far more peaceful manner than I could have done otherwise. I also gain further strength in the knowing that my dad is still very much around me and one day we will be united again.
Losing dad has not been an easy process but in many ways it has helped me grow in character. I now recognise that since childhood I have been seeking love and acceptance outside of myself when the only person I really needed to seek that from was me. My life experiences to date, including the pain and suffering, have made me who I am and I wouldn’t change a thing. I believe I chose this path coming into this world so that one day I would be in a position to help others with their healing journey to self-love and self-acceptance. I am particularly passionate about raising awareness of suicide and speaking openly and honestly about my experience at both ends of the spectrum.
I really feel more suicides could be prevented if people understood that it is impossible to end their life, as our soul and spirit continues with the same issues we were having difficulty with here on the earth plane, and at some point they will still need be dealt with, either in the various dimensions or during their next incarnation.
This knowing, gained from my near-death experience, has saved my life on numerous occasions. Periodically my trauma re-surfaces and it often manifests in severe episodes of anxiety. The pain can be so intense; it feels like a metal vice is clamping down on my forehead and I can only describe it as a form of torture. My most recent bout of anxiety had me in tears daily for 6 weeks; I just wanted the mental pain and anguish to go away. Thoughts of suicide played on my mind, but fortunately my personal knowledge and understanding has always kept me earth-bound, even at my lowest ebbs.
I know that, no matter what, it is better to stay in the physical realm with my loved ones around me and work through my pain and perceived problems so that I can continue to work on what needs to be healed rather than end my physical life. Like most people, I have never really wanted to die and in truth have only wanted the pain to stop.
I share my personal experiences and the message of divinity’s unconditional love to help individuals who may be suffering. My dream is to offer hope to anyone who may be suicidal and also to those who have lost their loved ones to suicide, by affirming that they are not banished to a life in purgatory and they will one day see them again. I realise how blessed I have been having the experiences I’ve had, as they have helped me deal with my own suicidal thoughts and grief over Dad’s death enormously. I believe the time has come to end the stigma associated with suicide. We need to encourage people to be able to speak openly and honestly about their feelings around suicide, rather than having to hide them, like many do, as a dark guilty secret.
There are more young adults under 35 who kill themselves, or attempt to, in the UK and internationally, than any other cause of death. The latest statistics I heard was that one person every forty-three seconds ends his or her life.
Perhaps, working together, if we can get a life-affirming message out into the world then more suicides could be prevented. If this approach stops just one person from taking the suicide route, then surely it’s a message worth sharing.
I know it didn’t help my dad and you could argue that he had no fear of death due to the things I had told him. However, interestingly, since his transition, he has confirmed to me via an incredible medium that he now understands all the stuff I used to talk about and that his soul’s journey is never over. He, like everyone else who passes to the other side, has had his life review; it was painful at times, as it is for us all, but he is now continuing to grow and heal in spirit. His role now in spirit is to help others heal who have transitioned via suicide and he wanted to pass on the message that I too would be helping people affected by suicide on the earth plane. This made me smile; dad and daughter now working in partnership to bring about positive, loving and lasting change. What a dream team we are!
I believe the cause of many people’s pain stems from an element of low self-esteem, perhaps from childhood and/or challenging life experiences. Traumatised adults often unwittingly create traumatised children and the cycle continues. To break this pattern we need to help all children realise how truly special, beautiful, and amazing they all are and help them to see that as a reflection in others. We have a duty of care to help them develop healthy and happy hearts, minds, bodies and souls from birth. Education should not be solely focused on academia. It should be more holistic, addressing life skills, creativity, and teaching children how to stay true to our authentic selves.
It is our wish, dream and desire that this book collaboration, written by a group of brave warriors from around the world, will make a significant and positive impact on the lives and souls of those that it reaches.
Every day we will be #Emerging Proud through Suicide and will continue to do so until our work here is done!
The more we Love, the more we Care, the more we Share, and together, through the Power of Positivity, we can change the world!
Kelly Walsh x
If you resonate with Kelly’s story, or have been affected by suicide and would like to tell your story in order to help others, please email Kelly to find out how to get involved and be considered for publication in the pocket book #Emerging Proud through Suicide: