Kam Sokhi from West Sussex, UK has transformed her life by healing emotional wounds from the past that she was trying to control through food; it was only through facing this that Kam was able to emerge through her darkness which has led to her empowering others to do the same. Here, Kam bravely tells her story to give hope…
I was just an ordinary 13-year old when my older sister and I made a pact to lose weight.
I became very competitive. My sister, ‘the golden child’, got all the good grades and I felt I’d never match her. My dad would tell me I was stupid, I’d amount to nothing and that I was a failure! The only thing, in my mind, I could do better than her was to lose weight.
Living in a strict Indian household, we were never really allowed out; it certainly was not ok to wear makeup or have boyfriends. If I dared answer back, I’d get a good beating. My dad had no problem exercising his control over us either verbally or physically. Life was all about religion, our family and our education.
Now I could control how much I ate and I found I was really good at it. I’d feel so proud I’d only consumed an apple and a litre of diet coke for days. I became sneaky at hiding food and obsessed with exercise. I was getting noticed at school because I was so thin; I was ecstatic.
It didn’t matter that I hadn’t had a period for two years, or that some days I’d swallow a hundred slimming pills AND tens of laxatives. I’d binge and purge. An average binge would last for hours and I could eat 10 chocolate bars, 5 ice creams, 7 packets of crisps, not to mention the rest. I weighed 5 stone at age 15 and was wearing children’s clothes. My bones were protruding and my hair fell out, yet when I looked in the mirror all I could see is was a fat, ugly person staring back at me.
At my lowest point, I considered killing myself. There were times when I self–harmed and the relationship with my father became worse. I began rebelling: smoking, drinking, dabbling in drugs, sometimes running away from home.
Then, I was busted at school. My best friend dobbed me in to my parents; told them I was throwing my lunch away. Things began to change, the doctors visits started, as did a year of psychiatric hospital care with an eating disorder specialist. These interventions inevitably brought my bulimia and anorexia to an end.
But in the years to come, my obsession with food and exercise continued. I felt I was never perfect and continued with strict eating regimes. I’d categorise foods as good or bad and if I ever ate anything from the bad list then I would ricochet into self-loathing. My laxative abuse was still prevalent, as was the occasional habit of taking slimming pills or going on detox diets. I was in my thirties now and still very self-conscious about my body image, not ever going swimming or dancing in public.
The pivotal moment in my recovery was meeting an iridologist who told me I had to give up sugar. She’d explained, I’d been replacing the sweetness of life with sugar, though if I started to love myself the weight would drop off! I had no idea what she was talking about and it would be ten years till I fully understood what she meant.
As I was a chef I thought I’m creative, I’ll just create some new recipes and I’ll be fine. In fact, a whole new world opened up. I started a clean, healthy way of eating and even started a Facebook page, sharing recipes. I started experimenting, making raw desserts. For the first time ever, guilt free eating with no self-loathing afterwards; it really was a revelation!
I also suffered from food allergies. This was yet another challenge. Being vegan as well, you can imagine how regimented and strict my life was around food.
Through the IPE eating psychology coaching course I’ve found the healing I’ve so needed. I discovered that being fast, rigid, strict and militant in my eating habits, is a reflection of how I conducted my life in general. I learned that weight gain is a form of self-protection and that self-confidence isn’t going to magically appear once I’m thin; after all, being skinny made me just as miserable. Being happy in myself and with my body image by healing the emotional wounds from the past, is the key.
Now, it’s time to give back, to help other women find freedom from the guilt and shame felt around food. My commitment is to empower you to become the best version of yourself, to find confidence and peace within, no matter your size and transform your view of life, yourself and your relationship with food. I’ll guide and support your weight loss journey and help you sustain that weight loss while being healthy, respectful and loving to yourself physically and emotionally.
What a great gift is that!
Warmly, 💕________________________________Kam, Eating Psychology CoachCHEF-NLP-NUTRITIONEmpowering women to becomeThe best version of themselves🌺🌽💖🍅🌷🍄🌱🌞🌈🍎🍒_________________________________
Find out more about Kam and her work here…