So many young sensitives are being diagnosed today. There is ALWAYS a story behind the label, and that story is usually trauma….and not only that, there is ALWAYS a unique soul behind the label, waiting to be heard; Thomas Daley from Blackpool in the UK shows us what magical beauty can blossom if we allow our vulnerable hearts to lead the way…
“I just want to get it all out. The crazy and obscene. The love and wonder. The fear and darkness. I need it to be heard. But how could anybody care? I feel so alone in my experience, and the drugs are suppressing the hell out of me. I am strong, though, and have managed to keep my self afloat emotionally while on these pills. But why do I take them? Well, for all those who “worry” about me. It’s that simple, I have concealed a huge part of my identity to keep other people comfortable – and to avoid being in hospital again. Will I ever be off my meds to be free and chemically liberated?
An event that led to my awakening or psychosis was when my dad got me out of bed at around aged 7 or 8, and told me to do 1000 push-ups or my family was going to die. I can now see that he wasn’t being serious, but he was drunk, and angry, and I believed him. Funny thing, belief. It changes our reality and has a true power, if only we could harness and accept it for the good it can do – heal the damaging beliefs we hold, and enter a state of healing and joy for each other. This is my dream, and I have a feeling I’m not alone anymore.
As a child I heard a voice that said, “focus on what’s most important”. I never told anyone at the time, and growing up I actually forgot about it during my teenage years. But the memory came flooding back when my insight and expanded mind sent me to the deepest depths of myself. Visions of the Buddha and fields of light. I knew that my purpose was to help and heal people, in a way that is basic to me, in a way I understand. Maybe not like Jesus (which is probably why I was hospitalised lol) – I now see that my gifts are what I AM, although there are still aspects to be healed within me.
I have always had trouble with relationships, until I found a gem amongst the crowd. I’ll call her L. She was an island amongst a stormy sea for me during my late teens, and I felt genuinely comforted for the first time in my life. We enjoyed two years together. Young love. But it was real. Then, the problems came… I started to become jealous and very envious of other guys. I would fear that she would leave me. I became too protective. So, after much procrastination, I left her. I knew I had to heal my own inner conflict before I could embrace the totality of love. I knew the problem wasn’t her, but me, and I’m still on that journey. Almost there now.
Those times in ecstacy with pure love and nothing but acceptance for all life. Will they come again? So grandeous, right? No. It’s the antidote, and I will not yield to believing otherwise. But then there is guilt and shame. Guilt because I got angry at my mum. Shame because my soul is yearning to be without a chemical restraint. I told her that I’m a man and I can make my own decisions in a raised voice, reclaiming my masculinity and expressing rightful anger, but this only confirmed to her that I needed to be on medication – and the 7th hospital visit ensued. I now see the lesson that has been given to me during the past year of being stable on medication is how to settle myself inside. I once thought it was a punishment for the anger I expressed to my mum, but I now see a deeper more meaningful reason for it. It is life giving me another dimension to explore. I have the happy and confident Tom here always, but I am learning the mechanics of darkness again, to be calm in its midst; like a tree wavering in the fierce winds.
My story is about personal healing. All of the mistakes I made lead me to a clear vision. I see clearly the events of emotional neglect and abuse as a child, and it is my purpose to heal and talk about it for others. It is also about joy. During my episodes of mania I experienced the potential of human happiness, and it is my dream to feel it again, and to teach others how to feel this deep and joyful bliss. Maybe this is wrong, and maybe peace will be enough.
I’m still young and have a lot ahead, but I feel a wisdom guiding me, it comes as a quiet voice, or a faint vision, but it’s always there and it knows how important the small aspects of life are, and how they make up the whole.
One step at a time.
With peace and respect.”
What a man. Thank you Thomas, for #EmergingProud, and proud you have every right to be…