Paula Rayo from Ontario in Canada #Emerges Proud to tell us what initiated her spiritual awakening process, and the fear it invokes.

Paula describes her journey so far, and the fears associated with ‘waking up’ in the Western world at present…

Paula Rayo .jpg

“After coming back from researching ayahuasca ceremonies in the Amazon rainforest, I started reading a lot of different philosophies related to consciousness and spirituality. I wanted to start practicing what I’d been reading so sometime in August/September I decided to go on a “mental cleanse”, which meant that I would unplug from all forms of media including TV, radio, social media, and so on. In addition, I practiced mindfulness throughout the day and deep meditation at night.

The meditations became so intense that I could start feeling similar yet subtler states to what I had experienced in Peru during some ayahuasca ceremonies. In particular, I was able to initiate a vibrational state in which I was in direct contact with what I could only describe as my light body. I would play certain sound vibrations or frequencies that I could tap into and that would instantly activate my “light body”. The meditations leading up to my “psychosis” episodes were most intense, for example I would be so deep in that state and if I moved, I could see/feel all of my cells light up a variety of colours.

One day I was at work I looked at some fractal pictures and just by looking at those fractals was enough to make me feel the vibrations in my body that I had been feeling the night before. I combined that with shamanic music and the vibrations started getting more intense. At first I thought it was amazing that I had the ability to initiate these states so easily, but then it started to get too intense and I didn’t know how to make it stop. Surges of energy overcome me and all of a sudden I felt like I was on psychedelics. This went on for 5 days straight and my biggest fear was that I would never be able to return to ordinary waking consciousness.

The best way that I could describe it is that everything I experienced became magnified and my senses became so sensitive. I could feel people’s voices as vibrations inside of my body, I could see that people looked the way they did because of their past experiences, I could hear the electricity running through electrical sockets, I could smell what I had never been able to smell before. Moments of joy were ecstatic, but moments of fear and paranoia were hell—everything was intensified. At night I could physically feel my chakras open up and I would have extremely vivid dreams. I woke myself up one night and I saw a grid of what I could only describe as the place where all possibilities emanate from. I had to isolate myself this whole week because I did not want to feel so much, especially in public spaces. I was afraid that no one would be able to understand what I went through so I did not tell anyone. And as much as I know the potential of having a spiritual awakening, I am afraid to go that deep again living in the culture that we do with all of its misunderstandings and without a teacher of some sort.”

Thank you Paula, for sharing so honestly with us; this fear is the very reason we need to develop a safer world in which such experiences can be spoken about and more appropriately supported ❤


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