I am truly humbled by the people I am having the pleasure of connecting with through this campaign; amazing souls such as Cam, who is bravely #Emergingproud to share his story, poetry and incredible art with you all, to show just how much artistic genius and transformational crises are interwoven.
“I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder some 20 years ago after a psychotic episode, which saw me end up in the Mental Health ward at Darwin Hospital. (Darwin is the northern most City of Australia, although I now live in Perth.. right down to the South West).
I attributed my breakdown to a barrage of stressful circumstances I was trying to stay on top of at the time.. little did I realize the amazing path this dark phase would end up taking me on.
During my medicated life since, Ive had 3-4 further psychoses, generally attributed to short periods without the tablets..each journey inward, taking me to deeper levels of an unknown and unsure place, where worlds spun and power was matched equally with confidence and knowingness but ofcourse ended in the crash from lofty heights in the arms of professional and family support.
In late 2012 (my last episode) I held off the onset of an episode (recognising the signs), and got to medication in time enough.. Id thought. The lateness in medication instead held me for what was probably several weeks in a slow manic build up. This elongated period within my own minds eye gave me a fantastic opportunity to be completely living within the present moment for some weeks.. and upon finally crashing out of the late pychosis itself I knew there must be more to this than just ‘mental illness’. I immediately found Sean Blackwell’s story and videos on Youtube.. watching them all with goosebumps and tears in my eyes as my realizations were confirmed about the wonders within us all and our link to eachother and everything.
I hope to continue my awakening and will always treasure this as a gift.
‘Release’ which is immergence through adversity.
Here is a poem I wrote a couple of years ago in attempt to explain some of the psychosis darkness, but also healing that occurs during an episode.
Silence shakes me from my state
with understated still
I reach through dark sensation,
hand is shaking near the pills.
The valley floor is deeper..
than i ever saw it was
The sky is clearer, showing fear of nothing, but the loss.
Amazing arcs of angels soar and shriek above my head..
I sit in dust, admiring the way they fear to tread.
I know not why the sun is black and heaven turning red,
But all around the smoke grows thick and swallows up my bed.
And in the distance voices sing and slowly turn to screams
An ever changing world collapses..nothing’s what it seems.
Time is running inside out across the desert fields,
Space is short, faces contort, and nightmares smash through dreams.
Looking down I see the clouds, they drip into the moon,
The stars aswell, begin to swell then fade away too soon.
And only darkness hangs about like bats within a cave
The brightness dimmed, it moves within,
And takes with it the brave.
The fires now explode to dirt and wrap back once more to green
And birds ignite and then take flight,
Crash-landing at the scene.
Chaos rains from every pore,
as skin melts into flood..
I step amongst the stones I’ve thrown
They’re 6 feet under mud.
Now timing is my essence..
I’m sensing power build
The Earth I own, can’t be de-throned,
All universe my guild.
And warping into stretching space
I view the ground beneath
The beauty brings me back to earth,
The beauty makes me weak.
In every sound, I’m breaking down
The tears won’t let me speak..
Can’t see beyond, hands hold my bond
As most presumption freak.
The cosmos waits indefinite
And none can reign its flame
Through heat and ice and loving grace
We should not feel ashamed.
Cause all that trip into the dark
Will soon regain their feet
And grow beyond what they once were
Enlighten and repeat.”
Some more of Cam’s artwork:
A native Shaman.. inspired by CRAZYWISE, the film
A fallen Angel.. representing the struggle of even the most unlikely.
If you would like to submit your own artwork, poetry or even music to the #Emergingproud campaign, please CONTACT ME
Thank you so much for your amazing contribution Cam.