Multiple brushes with death led Louis to his purpose and helped him to find meaning in life. Once full of guilt and exhausted with searching for who he was, finally learning to love and accept himself as he is means that Louis now lives a life happier than he could have imagined. He’s found his purpose in creating music and art to spread messages of LOVE and HOPE to others who are struggling like he once was…
Growing up was never going to be an easy win for me. From the age of four I was dressing up in my big sister’s clothes, and shuffling around in my mums high heels. Most days a Barbie doll would accompany me to school, and this would invite a lot of ridicule. Reaching my high school years, I had already endured a constant eight years of bullying. Never feeling good enough, or strong enough to speak out, I kept this to myself for many years until I told my parents about the nightmare my school life was. I had always had a passion for singing and acting, so at the age of ten I enrolled to a local theatre school and quickly built up my confidence to take on lead roles. This newly found confidence would slowly and surely crumble as I began high school at the age of eleven. Through a series of traumatic events whilst abroad, my parents broke up and filed for divorce. This happening within the first two months of starting high school really affected my overall years in education. I became very secluded, depressed, and alcoholic. I remember days where I would arrive at school and be sent right back home by a teacher because I stank of booze and was clearly inebriated. I was also an extremely rebellious and secretive teenager, so all of this went on for years before my mother and sisters knew.
Reaching almost sixteen, I was at my all time low. I had been self harming, and drinking excessively for many years now, and had also been seeing a psychiatric doctor. In the winter of 2011, months before my sixteenth birthday, I was groomed and sexually assaulted by a man three times my age. At the time, I brushed this off and almost acted like it had never even happened. I continued doing this for another eight years until finally opening up about it, and taking action. I believe this was a huge trigger for me that resulted in me taking my first overdose in April 2012. The last thing I remember is slashing my arm open so wide that blood was pouring and squirting out all over my mum’s living room. The next thing, I was in hospital throwing up my guts and itching like crazy all over my body. I had washed down a huge concoction of paracetamol, ibuprofen, tramadol, diazepam, amongst other things, with a litre bottle of whiskey. The tramadol had caused me to itch so much that I scratched my head and face until it bled.
I hated the way I was treated by some of the staff in hospital. I was looked down on because I wasn’t valuing my life at such a young age. I was also on a ward surrounded by elderly men dying of terrible causes. So I already felt the guilt of being the one person there not grateful for life, and actually trying to die! One man from the crisis team actually took me into a private room and lectured me about how selfish I was, and how I was ruining my family’s lives. Because of the poor care plan that was put in place after my discharge from hospital, I just sank lower and lower. Within the next four years I went on to attempt suicide another six times. I also left dreaded high school, went on to study music at college, but then started training as a hairdresser! I call this my gap year because it was between graduating college and going to university when I didn’t know what to do with my life. When I finally made it to London at the age of nineteen, I felt like my life would turn around. I’d always dreamed of moving to London and it was finally a reality. However the freedom of being a student, and the social life that goes with it took its toll on me. I began drinking excessively again, and would often become very depressed. I lasted two years studying in London until my soul felt like it was exhausted and I needed to leave the city behind. This was also the time around my twenty first birthday, when I traveled to New Orleans for the first time and met my fiancé, Price. Falling in love with him, and his city, was definitely a contributor in dropping out of university. However, I had been considering this before I met him, and was already looking for a change of scenery.
Strangely enough, none of my near death experiences were special, or transcendent. It was the aftermath that shaped me, and the recovery was when I heard my calling, and received my message. For a long time after my first NDE, a beautiful Victorian lady dressed in pink would appear on my stairs landing every night. I’ve often wondered if it was a passed family member because she felt so familiar. I named this lady Maria, and she was the first one to protect me after my first suicide attempt. I regularly had, what I believe to be, demonic entities surrounding me, feeding off of my low, negative state. I truly believe when we are not in good places in our lives, it can be an invitation for dark spirits to latch on to you. The insidious haunting I experienced during my dark times my mum and I named ‘Jimmy’. He eventually departed and left me alone, but it was the petrifying tribulations and challenges he put me through that made me the strong and defiant person I am today. I am still very much connected to spirit and see these abilities grow all the time. It is my ultimate belief that my series of NDE’s sent me on a journey of self discovery. It was never going to happen overnight, but over the last eight years I have honed my skills, figured out who I am and where I want to be, and dedicated myself to that. In order to spread my message and help change the world, I needed to love and accept myself, and push my mission forward every step of the way until I get to the platform I need to reach huge audiences. In my life I want to create music for people to relate to, I want to make art that makes people feel things, I want to act in movies that make a difference and highlight important issues, I want to be an activist and fight for human rights; And as a gay man I feel very strongly about this. I believe we are all equal, and all deserve the same treatment in life. I have become empowered, and I am still transcending, I want to take over the world with love & light. I am grateful for my troubling past because it has made me happier than I could ever imagine, and taken me to places I have only dreamed of. I count my blessings every day, and continue to work on myself to become the best version of myself possible. I want to help others do the same. If everyone could accept themselves and hear this message, we could collectively change the world and make it a more peaceful utopia for the future generations.
Louis Christian Roseveare is a 23 year old Jazz singer, wig stylist, poet, & artist located in Lincoln, U.K., and New Orleans, U.S.A. His destructive, and almost ‘demonic’ adolescence, gave him the tools he needed to survive in this world, and spread a message of peace & love through music, art, and expression. What he experienced in his teens drastically shifted his entire perception and beliefs about life, and its purpose.
One of Louis’ poems… ❤