Jenny shares a bit more of her #emergence journey to integration

‘#EmergingProud through disordered eating, body image and low self-esteem’

 Jenny Tollinton

As Jenny quite rightly acknowledges; life is a constant growth journey until the day we transition; it takes real courage to admit that transformation is an ongoing process.  Here Jenny expands on her previous #EmergingProud blog, to tell us where she’s at…

Still in my own personal transformation story, I have been inspired by Amy’s story to share a little more of my own journey and publicly acknowledge my ‘binges’.

A binger at times throughout this lifetime, and also at times a secret binger. Through hearing Amy’s story I am truly owning my binges. I read years ago that our weight can be related to our emotions and have had experience of that being true for me when rather than concentrating on the weight I have delved into the emotions and hey presto, realised the weight had dropped off. Times when that hasn’t happened have meant that there is still more to dig and delve for to release or it’s my body’s way of protecting me in the future for when yet more challenging life experiences take a hold.

Where 20 – 25 years ago I believed binges to be hormone related, on reflection they have often been at times of emotional turbulence in my life. Whilst they were to an extent hormone related, it often feels like my binges are connected to past lives of starvation and poverty, lack and scarcity, fear. My belief is, the underlying cause of past life traumas are the actual core root of my binge addiction. I say this for me personally, because whilst I did years ago for a while have a body image issue, now I do not carry any of the guilt or shame, body image or failure feelings, with no compunction I simply know that I do not need to do this ‘binge’ yet still I do!

I ask myself, why?

In the throes of many, many life challenges on all levels I am not surprised that I still continue to binge at times. Though not as much in volume as in years gone by, still a binge now is way more than is really needed. I find that once I start eating during the day I seem unable to stop. It’s because I want to, and not because I need to…I have even stopped mid flow typing to go and get some prawn crackers that I do not need! Many a time I have eaten a bar of chocolate between the shop and home, all of about 30 yards and never divulged this secret binge.

Because I believe our emotions are important feelings to be honoured I do my best to check in with myself to work out what is actually going on for me if I can at these times of excess. Changing my mindset from the ‘norm’ of society’s ‘you must eat three meals a day, calorie counting, these foods are the best, and on and on…’ to one of tuning into to my body and listening to what it actually wants me to feed it, and at what time can help me to stabilise some of the binges.

Working through these self-sabotaging binging bouts may feel soul destroying at times and finding the strength to overcome them, being in human form, is not always an easy task 😊

Believe

Jenny Tollinton

Saltburn-by-the-Sea

Does Jenny’s experience resonate? Would you like to share your own experience for Amy’s book?:

# Emerging Proud through disordered eating, body image and low-self-esteem

 Contact Amy atinfo@soul-shine.org.uk  to find out how

Thank you to Jenny for speaking out to normalise these challenges, and to everyone who is bravely and vulnerably sharing; that is so necessary to create our new perfectly imperfect world ❤

 

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