Jen beautifully describes her emergence process and the struggles it entailed for her in maintaining a foot in ‘everyday reality’. Jen’s description of experiencing herself as an “omnipresent consciousness” is a very commonly reported phenomenon; when we awake to the non-duality of life, and can easily get lost in that state and become isolated if we do not receive understanding or the correct support to “come back”. Thank you Jen for your bravery in speaking out and willingness to support others. Here is a synopsis of Jen’s story:
After graduating university in Canada, I went backpacking in India and was in a meditative state when I realized that I was not my ego and that reality was not as I had thought it to be. I sought to explore this fully and one day, while walking down a dusty street in Rajesthan, I felt my consciousness crack open. This catapulted me into an 18 year long experience of spiritual emergency and psychospiritual transformation.
Instantly, I was brought into, via awareness, depths vastly different from what I had previously known. I was not sure of what had happened to me but sensed something potentially dangerous was occurring and returned to Canada where I underwent a 4 month crisis period of Oneness, close encounters with God, temporary ego loss, Holy madness and realms inducing mythical experiences. The entire thing was both highly individual and universal.
I knew that no one in the psychiatric field would support me through the processes I was undergoing and because I had read of similar things happening to other people and had a strong sense that this was something I needed to go through, I decided to do it on my own, taking only sleeping pills when I needed them. After a year I began to work full time but the experiences and states continued in a more subtle way for years after that. The major changes that happened to me involved my psyche and spirit and these continue to this day.
It wasn’t until 15 years after the initiating incident that I returned to normal consciousness. I observed this happening overtime and remember walking into my aunt’s house at Christmas with the desire to proclaim “I’m back!” But ‘from where?’ they would remark. I had kept the whole thing a secret as everything from my basic understanding of what I was experiencing to the psychological challenges I faced as a result of these left a huge gap between myself and most everyone in my life.
I have come to believe from my own experience and the accounts of others that these types of altered states and what transpires in them are of indespensible value to humanity. We must not only allow and support people undergoing such processes but explore them to their full potential. In addition to offering great power of love and light and energy, they hold insight into reality and untold benefits for us all.